Learning to talk dirty from Mickey Avalon


Dirty rappin' about splooge, needles, dead friends and having sex with big-breasted inbred women-- wow Mickey Avalon is a charmer. The Hollywood glam-rapper-- playing Sat/3 at Roe Nightclub-- is far from classy, in fact he's the epitome of trashy and tragic, and yet kind of hot? Wait, wait, wait-- hot? Well, kinda. Ew. I know. So if this is sexy, ladies and gentleman, maybe we should take a few notes.

It's been four years since Avalon's self-titled debut [MySpace Records, 2006] and to be honest, I kind of forgot that he existed. But he's back, ready to penetrate crowds of dirty-minded dancers and apparently he's got a new CD coming out this year, Electric Gigolo [MySpace Records]. As the Guardian has said before, Avalon manages to be simultaneously delightful and disgusting. I thought it was time to reminisce and look through his gritty, pornographic lyrics for a few Avalon gems. Here are five real winners. Mmm...talk dirty to me. 

1. "I sodomized your father in a federal penitentiary. And on the day I got out I went to your mother's house and slept on the couch." 

2. "I'll bust through the shudders, masked in a rubber. Duct tape your mother and butt-rape your brother." 

3. "Four seconds Avalon will give you what you need. Raw-doggin' till we bleed. Force feed horse meat to your sweet buttercup."

4. "I got a monkey on my back with his dick in my ass. Been tryin' to fuck this monkey since algebra class." 

5. "I'll sperm on your perm, leave cigarette burns on your tits." 


OK. Barf. Too dirty....


Mickey Avalon

Sat/3, 9pm, $20

Roe Nightclub

651 Howard, SF


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