By Vaginal Davis and Johnny Ray Huston

LAST MONTH'S STELLAR issue of Noise introduced readers to the new, music-reviewing Siskel and Ebert: me and Vaginal Davis. Though another installment of banter about somewhat recent recordings might have been more, shall we say, consistent, this month brings a special installment of the new Siskel and Ebert: an episode devoted entirely to the monstrous, radical, visionary new rock recording by the Need (i.e., Rachel Carns and Radio Sloan).

Clocking in at 28 minutes, The Need Is Dead has two halves. The first half ventures beyond math rock to physics rock, creating a sinister carnival jungle palace that makes Dario Argento's Suspiria seem bland – venture into it if you dare. The second half is a metal horror melodrama, built around a song ("Dark Sally") divided into three sections ("Conjuration Against the 7 Liars-in-Wait," "Sally Iscariot," and "Overture un Nombre Propre"). Its penultimate track, "Hellfire," slices and steamrolls in many directions at once, like a hot-rod tank equipped with multiple blades.

Since her last appearance in the Bay Guardian my cohost, the illustrious Ms. Davis (whose latest projects can still be accessed at www.vaginaldavis.com), has been extremely busy auditioning megarich suitors in an attempt to find a "co-husband." (The current front-runners are Todd Krizelman and Stephen Paternot, co-CEOs of theglobe.com.) Thankfully, in a touching gesture of radical visionary solidarity, Ms. Davis still found time to interview Carns via e-mail.

Vaginal Davis: First I must say that this is one monumental and exciting piece of work. The reverberations will thunder for many years to come I predict even before listening to it – just from looking at the graphics and design and the Brechtian imagery. I'm still recuperating from being a visiting guest artist at Art Center School of Design critiquing graduate students' work. Their assignment was presenting pieces with a Brecht modality. Har har.

Rachel Carns: "Har har" is right. "Hyuk hyuk" might be even better. Are they saying "modality" now? In my day it was "sensibility" – I have a fucking bachelor of fine arts in painting and drawing. What was I thinking? Art school damaged me to such a degree that I didn't make art in the snotty sense for nearly five years after I graduated – surely someone has published statistics on Art School Kids who convert to Rock and Roll, right? Give the lion the heart of the lamb, and the lamb the force of the lion. The whole world wants nothing more than to be surprised. My potty training was very traditional – we made frescoes! It wasn't OK to make a fanzine for art class. Don't get me wrong – things have changed in art and art schools in the past 10 years. Even if it's only that the good old Rothko boys have finally kicked the bucket. I wish you had been my personal visiting artist. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten so much shit for all those UFO paintings.

VD: Well, as I was opening the CD, slowly savoring the moment and milking it for all its worth, I began to fondle the CD. I'm a very nosy lady, and I was so taken with the CD's presentation. A million questions were running through my mind. I listened to it four times, and each time I'd get more wet – actually I was getting soaked and fidgety. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Everything was so beyond genius and bold and truly lovely and I was just flabbergasted and nervous and shaking. Immediately, grand opera came to my mind. Then I scratched that and said rock opera à la Tommy. But then I realized it was all more in a proto-religious vein like Jesus Christ Superstar, upping the Gog and Magog ante with dashes of The Threepenny Opera.

RC: A Master Palmreader once told me I was the seed of a new religion (hyuk hyuk), and then the old fart tried to get in my pants. But I kid you not – we the magic children know each other by our accents. We are wide awake. We are telling the truth, but living towards something so fantastic that it can't be believed.

VD: So are these songs the basis for a project like that? Is this an in utero rock operetta?

RC: In a manner of speaking – we the Need are in fact writing a full-scale rock opera called The Transfused [transfused.com] that's gonna be produced at the Capitol Theater here in Olympia in July 2000. Guess what? It's about fucking queers! Nomy Lamm is writing the vocals and lyrics, and we'll be joined in the orchestra pit by Scott Seckington, Marisa Anderson, and the venerable Donna Dresch. Our director, Freddy Fagula – Drag King Supreme – is dashing out the most improbable staging ever. Is it enough to say that he showed up at the last Need show in a fur-trimmed robe, crown, and electric glowing codpiece? Yo Yo Recordings [www.olywa.net/yoyo] is releasing a CD of selections from The Transfused in May and in late summer will release a live CD of the monster in its entirety. The Need has always perceived itself as something bigger than a plain old rock band ...

VD: I've never liked King Crimson, but you and Radio are definitely the first people to take elements of prog rock and turn it out. You deserve major hallelujahs for that. There is so much swirling about that is just plain brilliant – the song structure, length of songs, the singing, the musicianship. The use of the theremin on "2-Story Girl": wow!

RC: Respect is due to Mike Lastra for the brilliant theremin. At this point we should probably call him our producer or something. But being a snot-nosed punk kid I'm not really sure what that means. We've recorded with him several times now over the past four years – we've grown up with him. Together we've really figured out how to stretch our sounds and intentions into the craziest shapes.

VD: Which one of you is testifying to the king and his kingdom or at least bearing false witness and leading others astray? Don't be shy. It definitely seems like that's what you're doing, especially the "Dark Sally" section and those perfect major Ms. Gorgeous movements. Too juicy for words. It's really hard for me to articulate what I heard. Is it equally difficult for you to discuss what you created? What is going through your minds? How dare you? Are you mad? Anything this good will never be allowed to exist. I hope you're prepared for that. The proverbial theys are out to get you even as I write. You realize you'll have to go into hiding immediately.

RC: Oh Vag. The thing is – they will think we're joking.

VD: I know someone is a Grand Funk Railroad fan because I hear homage screaming throughout the record. Or at least there's a little bit of Leslie West of Mountain. You know, the diesel hill dyke-fagula who sang and wrote the song "Mississippi Queen." He's still rocking it in his own peculiar fashion.

RC: Leslie West is truly the king. The first Karaneedoke show we did I sang a cover of "Mississippi Queen." Karaneedoke is a series of live shows where the Need and various guest star players are the hired band for local kids singing cover songs. It's totally fearless, totally a blast, and pretty much the coolest way to deal with playing out when your hometown's a bed of star-seeds. I wish you were here to see it. Kill Rock Stars released a double 7-inch of Karaneedoke as part of their singles club – I dunno if you can find it anywhere 'cause it was a limited pressing.

But back to Mountain – the West, Bruce, and Laing records take it even farther down that dark dark road. That whole family (including the Cream kids) shares some fucking fierce blood. Karaneedoke did "Tales of Brave Ulysses" on New Year's 1998. We've been paying homage. I'm honored you noticed.

VD: There's also some Yoko Ono from her appearances on The Mike Douglas Show in the early '70s. You're too young to remember that, but seeing her on mainstream television back then really slapped my thigh.

RC: How about Yoko in Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus? Wailer to end all Wails! I had a brief obsession with the Stones a while back, and in my furious searching I read that the Circus took nearly four days to film because everyone was so fucked up – by the third day the crowd was so thin that they had to keep moving clusters of people around the camera to make it look like the place was packed.

VD: There's a lovely conceptual eye to the proceedings here. I love good Art Damage in all its many manifestations. You ladies are very precise, and that's another one of the joys. The mixture of passion and craft just sizzles. Do you like Lene Lovich? How about the Residents or the Revillos? Don't tell me I'm dating myself again.

RC: Lene Lovich yes, the Residents yes, and I might add Nina Hagen to the guest list. Come on, Vag – you can't be that much older than me. I'm fucking 30.

VD: Did you ever like this band called the Suburban Lawns? The lead singer, Sue Tissue, was a dream divine, and on the "Mona Tinsley" cut I was hearing a lot of Sue Tissue. But of course your voices are better.

RC: Funny thing is, I discovered the Suburban Lawns about a year ago on a compilation video of some old East Coast new wave local TV show featuring live bands, complete with those crazy early video effects like shattering and spiraling and slow-mo. At the time I was having crazy muscle spasms in my ass – of all places! – and as part of my wretched morning stretch I'd hold each pose for the length of their performance. Then rewind to the start and switch.

Despite all that, the genius of the vocals on "Mona Tinsley" is courtesy of HRH Marcie Flores of Paige and Patsy. Surely you knew, both of you are from L.A., and second to you, Lady Ladies, Patsy ruled Club Sucker (RIP).

VD: What about Nona Hendryx? Does she inspire you? Tell me if I'm way off eighth base, but I was hearing you serve some fierce Nona in the mix. You really have produced some tight sounds – the droning noises, murmuring, and chatter – a chorus of people falling and getting back up. And the princely arrangements. "Vaselina" is very Gilbert and Sullivan. Or Hall and Oates maybe. The lyric of "Dear Diary" is very Rimbaudy. I've never gotten so much pleasure from a lyric sheet before. Are you familiar with the band Purse? They broke up after a very short time together. They were going in your direction but didn't quite make it there.

RC: I haven't heard of them. Of course they broke up soon after – a short life has sharp teeth. Was it Rimbaud that wrote only between the ages of 16 and 19? Or was that Baudelaire? The day I get my French Guys straight is the day I start flossing.

VD: You found that right place, and it's sensational. How'd you get to that place? How long are you going to stay there?

RC: Do you remember the Brain Synchro Energizer? It was a late-'80s phenomenon – the little goggles with built-in flashing lights and the headphones with synchronized beeping sounds. You see, the brain makes waveforms in four frequency groupings – alpha (meditative/relaxed), beta (waking/alert), theta (dreamy/creative), and delta (sleep) – and the brain "state" is deduced from the dominant set of frequencies. So basically the pulsations of this device make you trip, take you into another brain state by bringing to the front a certain set of frequencies. It's cheaper to cut a Ping-Pong ball in half, paint both halves orange or light blue, tape them over your eyes, and sit in front of a bright light.

VD: Larry Bob of Holy Titclamps told me that you're working on a 7-inch with Le Tigre. That's going to be really sexy. When can we expect that teaming?

RC: Both the Need and Le Tigre are working on it right now – did you know we're covering each other's songs for the 7-inch? It's gonna be released on Mr. Lady Records [mrlady.com]. Our Le Tigre selection is a secret! I was hoping we could have it ready to take on tour in April 'cause we're doing a bunch of East Coast shows with them, but that also means both bands are currently in the thick of tour-booking hell. If nothing else, we may have a back-to-school release.

VD: My editor and cohost, Johnny Ray Huston, wants to know about the dildo manufacturing plant. Pray tell all the hot buttered T and don't be concerned with spillage.

RC: Yes it's true, we originally envisioned the Need Empire to include such vehicles of pleasure and hoped that creating demand would create supply. Radio's a wizard with all things mechanical and electric, and I know how to make things look real good – it's a brilliant prospect, and what a career! After realizing that mass production required more time and money than we could spare, we decided to do custom work only – you know, make the impossible dreams come true. I've amassed an exquisite collection of sketches by prospective pleasure seekers, but even the most serious inquiries fell off in the end. We've thrown the project in the long-term To-Do Bin, for when we're living on the mountain and smoking pipes. Unless, of course, someone makes us an offer we can't refuse.

VD: Are the Need really spirit creatures who have taken on human form to observe mankind and its follies?

RC: If it were so, would I say yes? The Need play with the Little Deaths Sun/27, 9 p.m., Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St., S.F. $5. (415) 621-4455.

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