Love on Wheels dating game - The cutest people always seem to be sailing past each other on their bikes. The SF Bicycle Coalition is going to sit all you guys down so you can date already. Lovebirds will quiz three potential dates (hidden from view) and go on a date provided by one of the sponsors. This annual tradition is a cute hoot.
6pm, $5 for SF Bicycle Coalition members; $10 for non-members. Public Works, 161 Erie, SF. (415) 932-0955, www.sfbike.org

Aphrodesia Afterhours Valentine's Day - Chocolate is hands down the best part of Valentine's Day. Join local chocolatier TCHO's chief chocolate guru, Brad Kintzer, for a demonstration on how to transform beans into bliss. Afterward, grab a love potion from the Cocktail Lab, frolic among the orchids, and enjoy a live performance by Le Quartet de Jazz. Remember to take a picture in the photo-booth -- a night dedicated to chocolate is a night to remember.
6-10pm, $10. Conservatory of Flowers, Golden Gate Park, 100 John F. Kennedy, SF. (415) 831-2090, www.conservatoryofflowers.org/rsvp

Light Asylum - Marco de la Vega, Gary Riviera, and Brian Furstman have launched the new Future Perfect weekly party at Monarch with the intent to obliterate whatever few genre boundaries remain in dance music -- no central feel, "just good, forward thinking, contemporary" music. Future Perfect succeeds at holding the crowd's attention with a wholly unique energy, tasty drink specials, and big name guests. Beguilingly dark duo Light Asylum, anchored by singer Shannon Funchess' throaty vocals, headlines this latest installment. 9 pm, $10-$15. Monarch, 101 Sixth St., SF. (415) 346-2288, www.monarchsf.com

"Go Deep" lube wrestling for the boys - What says romance more than watching half-naked queer boys with fantastic monikers like Yogzar and Red Dragon wrestling in a vat of lube? Slide your way into V-Day at this monthly grip 'n slip put on by neo-Vaudevillian troupe SF Boylesque, with DJ Drama Bin Laden, a performance by the Bohemian Brethren, and Cajun food from Family Meal available on the back patio.
8-11:30pm, $10-$15. El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF. (415) 379-8000, www.calacademy.org/events/nightlife

The Great Gatsby: John Harbison's Opera - Set 1920s New York wealth, style, and tragic disillusionment to chamber orchestration and what do you get? John Harbison's ambitious opera,The Great Gatsby, which is, of course, based on the modern American classic by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Ensemble Parallèle, a local contemporary opera company, describes the opera as its "most ambitious project to date" and will be performing San Francisco composer Jacques Desjardins' re-orchestration of Harbison's masterpiece this weekend. Expect stunning costumes and rich scores that will throw you back into the Jazz Age.
Fri/10-Sat/11, 8pm; Sun/11, 2pm, $35-$65. Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission, SF. (415) 978-2787, www.ybca.org

Mortified's Annual Doomed Valentine's Show - Do you remember your first kiss? When you went for the gold, missed completely, and your lips puckered mid-air? Well, the folks at Mortified sure do. They have sorted through the oldest and nerdiest notebooks, letters, photos, and shoe-boxes so that they can share with you their most humiliating romantic encounters. Reinvigorate your disdain for this holiday by taking comedic comfort in the mishaps of these thick-skinned Valentine's veterans.
7:30pm, $14 adv; $21 at door. DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF. (415) 626-1409, www.getmortified.com

Non Stop Bhangra - Rad dance sounds from India seemed in danger of fading from the SF club scene recently. The lively Bollyhood Cafe in the Mission closed. (The space was taken over by expanding senegalese restaurant-nightclub Bissap Baobab, so all is not lost). Forward-thinking global bass collective Surya Dub had faded from local DJ decks, and when we heard long-running monthly dance extravaganza Non Stop Bhangra was looking for a new home we totally got Punjab sad. Luckily, Non Stop has now landed on second Saturdays at Public Works. This month, DJ Rekha of NYC's raucous Basement Bhangra guests.
9pm-3am, $10 advance, $15. Public Works, 161 Erie, SF. (415) 932-0955, www.nonstopbhangra.com

Chinese New Year at the SF Symphony - Everyone living in a world-class city catches them sometimes: those I'm-not-being-cultural-enough blues. First World problems. Well, here's an entry-level event that not only showcases one of SF's most vibrant communities, but also employs superlative artistic minds. The symphony's Chinese New Year performance features musical arrangements penned exclusively by Chinese and Chinese-American composers, Carolyn Kuan conducting, and -- oh yes -- lion dancing with traditional snacks and tea during the family-friendly pre-concert reception.
9pm, $8. El Rio, 3158 Mission, SF. (415) 282-3325, elriosf.com

Droog - Some tasty undergroundish events have been popping up at 46 Minna lately -- raising a few eyebrows, since 46 Minna is otherwise known to the mainstream bottle-service crowd as Harlot. This new Sunday evening weekly party by the Forward SF crew launches with Droog, an on-the-rise trio of house deconstructionists from LA, who lace their funky mind trips with expert electronic wizardry. Plus there's a fruit buffet!
6pm-midnight, $10-$20. Harlot, 46 Minna, SF. (415) 559-3022 , www.forwardsf.com

SF Mixtape Society's "Under The Covers" music exchange and contest - Don't have someone to make a mixture for this year? It's OK. Your ex's musical taste was awful anyway! Put that playlist you love on a CD, cassette, or USB drive and have it land right in the ears of a random lucky someone. You'll end the night with someone else's meticulous mix, and everyone will get to vote for the playlist with the best track listings and artwork. Singleton fun!
6pm, free. The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., SF. (415) 440-4177, www.sfmixtapesociety.com

Litquake Literary Festival presents: Love Hurts readings of grief-stricken passages of love and lust - Ten Bay Area writers will give their own cynical (and mostly hilarious) twists on the forlorn words of some of the most melancholic and/or melodramatic novels ever written. Come sort out the parallels between drug dependency and romance in Valley of the Dolls, the masochistic plotline of The Story of O, and many more classics of heartbreak.
7pm, $10. The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., SF. (415) 440-4177, www.litquake.org

Motown on Monday at Madrone Art Bar - In the mood for a night of slow jams and relaxation with other hip sexy people? Motown Mondays features two dollar well drinks, chair massage, and DJs serving up originals, exclusive remixes, and "close relatives" of the greatest Motown hits.
6pm, free. Madrone Art Bar, 500 Divisadero, SF. (415) 241-0202, www.madroneartbar.com

Crackpot Crones present "I Hate Valentine's Day" sketch comedy and improv show - Outrageous duo Terry Baum and Carolyn Myers are providing a public service for the romantically challenged. They will be making fun of everything Valentine's related - especially silly little concepts like true love and soul mates. Belt along to the song "The Twelve Days of Being Dumped" and give your best evil cackle at this sketch comedy show.
8pm, $20. The Dark Room, 2263 Mission, SF. (415) 648-5244, www.crackpotcrones.com

Club Neon's Eighth Annual Valentine's Day Underwear Party - This is THE event for fresh and nubile indie heart-breakers, stripping down to make you all "daaamn!" and stuff. One of our favorite annual pantsless throwdowns, with steamy rock DJs Jamie Jams and EmDee making you want to take it all off.
10pm-2 am, $5, free with no pants before 11pm. The Knockout, 3223 Mission, SF. (415) 550-6884, www.theknockoutsf.com