'Cosmo' video games as silly as the mag

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By Stephen Torres
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As long as there have been admin and reception jobs, there has been un-relenting, mind-numbing boredom as well. Since the positions were held primarily by the female set for such a long time, publications such as Cosmopolitan, founded by the inimitable Helen Gurley Brown in the sixties, found a place jammed into the desk drawers or bags of all those working girls. Or so Miss Brown had hoped. I'm mean, what gal on the go would read anything else?

Nowadays, when you can't take the monotony of data entry or similar thankless office tasks, one's options are opened up to whatever you possibly could desire through the magic of the Internet. Never behind the times, Cosmo has added its own brand of pastimes that every girl will doubtlessly enjoy: video games. So I channeled Miss Moneypenny and decided to have myself a look.

The first game is entitled BoyToy and was recently highlighted on Gawker.com -- and I really couldn't agree more with their take on the matter. I'm not one for video games anyway, but it is an inane simulation of what its like to be your alter ego -- the girl who gets what she wants from the boys simply by snapping her fingers. The overall impression I got was not that of feeling empowered by living through a blond and tan version of myself named Bunny, but more the miserable experience of being her put-upon slave Cord. It’s like having a split personality that requires more booze, more music, and more attention. Quite frankly, I thought I'd have more fun with Minerva, the slutty nemesis in hospital whites.

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The other games were slightly more engaging, but eventually induced the malaise I associate with cubicles and fluorescent lighting. I scored pretty well across the board, doing strangely well with Strip Poker, considering I have no idea how to play the real thing. I was pretty bad at the Cosmo Covergirl Trivia; and the Kama Sutra was a highly disappointing memory game lacking any detailed illustrations.

Ultimately, that is what brought it all flooding back to me: Why Cosmo was such a scandal in the schoolyard when I was in junior high. It’s just a bunch of sexual smoke and mirrors. Even the Strip Poker game had the sadly comic quality of those decks you can get in any novelty shop, but without the gratuity. It’s not really racy, but just silly.

Maybe I'm being too critical. After all, it is just a way to kill time, and I have to say I was pretty good matching my colors in the Makeup Mah Jongg.