5 Things: March 8, 2011

<3 u, Skrumpykins, miss u.

>>1. PETA HOPS We had no idea that Anchor Steam is vegan. Now we can throw back a case and pet our potbellied pig, Sir Skrumpkins, guilt- and irony-free. (Apparently many beers use animal gelatins for filtration.)

>>2. FAREWELL SKRUMPKINS And here is how to safely dispose of your dearly beloved, earthly departed pet potbellied pig in Northern California.

>>3. ONE-TWO PUNCH Speaking of drinking, one of the oldest bars in  SF, Elixir in the Mission, is also one of the most forward-thinking. The joint's hand-crafted, organic cocktails are out of this world. Under the stewardship of owner H., Elixir's just redone its menu. Olde Sydney-Town punch, honey kumquat caipirinha, Meyer lemon cucumber collins -- these are just three of the mouthwatering new concoctions. (When we start to use phrases like "mouthwatering concoctions," you know we need a drink.) Bonus: patrons receive a complimentary pisco punch while waiting for their cocktail. And no, it's not like a Hawaiian punch, we checked.

>>4. GUNS AND BUTTER Overheard at the new Whole Foods in the Haight, much ado about the new scientifically validated checkout line system (also experienced at the SoMa branch). First introduced in New York City, the system uses a single line, or two, that feed into a passel of registers, all controlled by a single, cute, traffic cop. Although there are already reports of doofuses stepping out of turn, the system reportedly shrinks wait time to less than two minutes. Not so much of a hit, though, are armed security guards, apparently ready to draw their weapons on yogurt-stealers. "That's what we pay for at Whole Foods, right?" commented one dude in the bakery line. "The wholesome experience." (Please support your local, possibly unarmed grocer.)

>>5.THIS IS PARADISE Take a risk. Wear it inside the club. Now is the time to see 'Shades,' a new video by SF's David Enos and Mishell Stimson.