Club bouncers and FBI spies keep us safe from the terrorists

03.19.12 - 6:11 pm | Steven T. Jones |

(5)

Boo!

The post-9/11 hysteria over terrorist threats continues to the day, taking many forms. The San Francisco Board of Supervisors is poised to give final approval tomorrow (Tues/20) to limitations on the SFPD's participation in the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force, legislation that ever-vigilant Mayor Ed Lee may veto.

But it turns out there are already thousands of eyes on San Francisco's streets looking out for terrorists and their dreaded (and fabled) Weapons of Mass Destruction, something I learned today when the California Music and Culture Association announced a training it is sponsoring for nightclub security guards.

The training includes four hours of “power to arrest,” which makes sense. But it also includes another four hours of “WMDs & Terrorism Awareness,” which strikes me as paranoid to the point of lunacy. Are we seriously worried about a terrorist plot to destroy the godless heathens at the Makeout Room?

I didn't realize CMAC was so paranoid, so I contacted the organization and learned that this is actually a requirement under state law governing private security officers, passed in 2005 as legislation sponsored by Abel Maldonado, then a Republican Assembly member from Santa Maria. Yeah, that made a bit more sense. Right-wingers see terrorist plots everywhere.

So while the FBI (with or without SFPD's help) taps our phones and reads our mail, the bouncer at the club on the corner is keeping a watch out for suicide bombers disguised as ravers and dirty nukes hidden in DJ's record boxes. Gee, I feel so much safer now.

Comments

Terrorists blew up a Bali nightclub in 2002

and killed over 200 people Steven. Just because it hasn't happened in the US doesn't mean it won't. There's really nothing wrong with making sure people are trained - as long as they're not using illegal methods to do so.

Also - aren't you getting a little long in the tooth to be heading out to raves?

Posted by Guest on Mar. 19, 2012 @ 7:28 pm

Terrorists

Terrorists murdered dozens of kids at a Norwegian youth camp last year. Maybe we need to train camp counselors in counterterrorism.

Terrorists flew a plane into an IRS building a couple years ago. Maybe IRS employees should be trained in counterterrorism too.

Terrorists just burned down a mosque in Belgium and killed an Imam. Definitely need to guard places of worship against terrorist attacks.

Terrorists blew up a bunch of things in the 1940s, including the King David Hotel, the Cairo-Haifa train, and even a ship full of Jewish refugees (believe it or not, they were the same folks who blew up the first two). Oh yeah. If you don't believe me, google "SS Patria." But I digress. All I'm sayin' is that ports, trains, and hotels are all places where we need to keep careful vigil for terrorists.

Terrorists tried to bomb the Martin Luther King Parade in Spokane last year. Parades aren't safe from terrorists either.

Terrorists killed a bunch of people in Tucson last year during a meet-and-greet with their local congresswoman. Any place you have congresscritters, you gotta have protection against terrorists.

And terrorists just murdered 16 Afghan civilians, mostly children. Are Afghan civilians entitled to protection from terrorists?

After all that, you have to start to wonder... is ANY place truly safe from the EEVIL of terrorists? Maybe we can post counter-terrorism Homeland Security people everywhere... in furniture stores, on MUNI, in classrooms, nail salons, parks, gyms, gas stations, museums... gosh, anywhere really. Heck, as those unfortunate Afghan civilians found out, even your own BED isn't safe. Perhaps we need to have a DHS marshall dude under every bed?

Or maybe there's a better way.

Perhaps we could simply stop screwing with people in distant countries in ways that provoke terrorism. My guess is that'll eliminate maybe 90% of them. And for the remainder... perhaps we can just live our lives... maybe take a few reasonable measures like more stringent background checks for guns... but beyond that just go about our business? Because if we re-arrange our whole lives around the terrorists' agenda, doesn't that feed right into their whole, um... purpose?

I mean, sure, having a DHS guy under every bed has a couple plus points -it would make a heck of a jobs program for one -but I can see a wee bit of a drawback to the whole creeping security state thing.

Nah... I think I'm being too reasonable. Go back to your collective insanity.

Posted by Greg on Mar. 19, 2012 @ 10:28 pm

CMAC = Homeland Security?!

What sane person would want to limit to any degree intervention of terrorist activity by the SFPD?

CMAC is a statewide lobbyist group, self-described as the “other nine to five.” It primarily seeks to undermine California resident and taxpayer rights to peaceful enjoyment of residential property 2-6:00 a.m.

CMAC classes on terrorist intervention, as substitute to discretionary local law enforcement powers, are preposterous in terms of public safeguard and appropriate agency.

Tom Ferriole

Posted by Guest on Mar. 19, 2012 @ 9:10 pm

You're worried about invasive government

... And yet progressives cheer it on at every turn.

So odd.

Posted by Matlock on Mar. 19, 2012 @ 11:13 pm

Terrorists. The new Communists

Just like the days of Joe McCarthy. You can spot'em everywhere. They look kinda shifty-eyed.

Posted by DanC on Mar. 20, 2012 @ 9:02 pm