Happy Holi-mess: John Waters flies in on "A Sleigh Full of Smut," plus Jackie Beat's "All You Can Eat Christmas," Noel Noir, Hot Natured, Big Top, and more glittery parties
For John Waters fans (and who isn't one?) this of course makes perfect sense: The Pink Flamingos director and hot-filth raconteur winters in chilly Baltimore, and summers in fog-shrouded San Francisco. "I just love watching the shocked tourists on the cable cars, gripping their cans of Ensure and freezing their asses off," he jokes over the phone with that infamous little cackle. He'll be jetting back here, however, on Sat/11 for "A Sleigh Full of Smut" his one-man Christmas show to benefit the awesome Roxie Cinema, which turned 100 last year. (It's pricey, but you get a lot of goodies.)
"I adore San Francisco, I now live there almost half the year" — that would explain the sudden preponderance of Facebook party pics featuring his trademark look — "but it's so strange how I'm treated like a celebrity. You'd think San Franciscans would be tired of famous people, but I get stopped all the time." The only downside? "As a celebrity, you lose the right to have public sex." (I smell viral video.) For the Roxie benefit, he'll be dishing about his holiday obsessions: "extreme fashion crimes, Santa's sexual identity, and my eternal hatred of the Easter Bunny." What, no cha cha heels? "Oh, there'll be a number of special surprises under the tree," Waters promised.
"San Francisco is such a great place to see obscure movies, but there are so few big screens left anywhere, you know?" he continued. "And the Roxie's got an incredible group of young people running things now. Go see a movie there already!"
JOHN WATERS: A SLEIGH FULL OF SMUT Sat/11, 7 p.m., $250. Roxie Cinema, 3117 16th St., SF. www.roxie.com 
Two of the smartest house DJs of the past few years — Jamie Jones from London and Lee Foss from L.A. — team up for this funky side project, heating up the lovely Base weekly.
Thu/9, 9 p.m., $10. Vessel, 85 Campton Pl., SF. www.vesselsf.com 
Hey, almost-criminally entertaining L.A. drag comedy legend and singer Jackie Beat — what's in your new holiday show? "All those sweet nostalgic old songs you remember, now about fisting and abortion," she told me. "Good times. Along with horrible AM radio medleys, there are plenty of classics like 'Santa's Baby' and 'Do Some Blow!' Get ready to eat, bitch!"
Fri/10 and Sat/11, 10:30 p.m., $20–$40. Brava Theater, 2781 24th St., SF. www.brownpapertickets.com 
The ever-edgy YBCA is hosting this fantastically devilish (and charitable!) "un-holiday" party, with HOTTUB, Ejector, Honey Soundsystem, H.U.N.X., Sonny and the Sunsets, Jill Tracy, and, from those Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, "Project Nunway."
Fri/10, 9 p.m., $20–$25. Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission, SF. www.noelnoir2010.com 
The monthly circus-themed queer extravaganza that prides itself on pushing the boundaries of taste stuffs your fluffy cock-sock with this special benefit for LYRIC queer youth. Tattoo-headed porn stud Francois Sagat hosts, with a special Homo for the Holidays drag show, and a whole lotta roasted nuts.
Sat/11, 9 p.m.-late, $5. Club Eight, 1151 Folsomm, SF. www.joshuajpresents.com 
This genius monthly global-funk party has expanded Bay Area ears almost to the point of bursting — help DJ hosts Disco Shawn and Oro11 ring in their third with Jamaican dancehall MC Natalie Storm, and Max Glazer and Sabo.
Sat/11, 10 p.m., $10. Elbo Room, 647 Valencia, SF. www.elbo.com 
It sounds too corny to be worth it — an annual tribute night, now in its seventh year, featuring all Stevie Wonder originals and mixes. But it's actually heavenly. With deep-digging NYC master Spinna at the helm (with local Hakobo, King Most, and Proof backing up), Stevie's catalogue expands into magic.
Sat/11, 9 p.m., $10–$15. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie, SF. www.mezzaninesf.com