SUPER EGO Dear burners,
I am absolutely NOT BITTER that I couldn't join you this year. And I certainly DID NOT wrap myself in a hot-pink bedsheet, spin around until I saw Ganesh, puke up 23 packets of Tasty Bites, and throw a fistful of chickpea flour in my roommate's face, screaming “Rites of passage, bitch!” so that I could virtually burn. And then I didn't fist-pump to vintage Bassnectar, nor construct a 12-foot flashing Alexander Wang Summer 2011 fun-fur ankle strap high-heeled sandal in our foyer out of wire hangers, chicken bones, old Dell motherboards, and tuck tape.
Does anyone have a couch I could crash on? Preferably one of those big red lips-shaped ones?
In a sort-of pathetic attempt to even things out a bit, here's what you missed: a gaggle of the hottest nerds in the world cruising Zinefest; the best Bloody Mary ever at my new-old favorite bar, Little Shamrock; Optimo DJs blowing minds at Public Works by dropping one of the first industrial tracks, Liasons Dangereuses' “Los Niños del Parque ”; German frenzy-whipper Matthias Tanzmann slaying with Maxwell-sampling summer smash “Entrance Song ” by Eats Everything at Mighty, the supernova heat-explosion of Oakland Pride … and I'm not even on Sunday evening yet. So, you know, nyah.
ARAABMUZIK AND DJ FUNK
Young Rhode Islander Abraham Orellano, a.k.a. Araabmuzik, is actually of Dominican-Guatemalan descent – his crew dubbed him Araab when he was a teen. (Why? Because he's so fine like the rest of us Arab brothers?) But beyond the Google-gold moniker, Araab's emblematic of a neat trend right now in our frantic niche-crossover times: he's a hip-hop beatmaker (Cam'ron, Duke Da God) with a touching love for poppy old dance music, using his genius manual dexterity with big-buttoned, retro-looking Music Production Center devices in his live act to melt dance floors into stunned lumps of woah.
This year's Electronic Dreams album subtly warps goofball “Night at the Roxbury”-type '90s dance anthems like Future Breeze's “Why Don't You Dance With Me” and Starchaser's “So High” – and even gabber-house noise-blast “Underground Stream” by Nosferatu – into haunting documents of a young man's often-lonely street life. Araab's polishing songs I spent a good part of my life running in terror from into weird mirrors of interiority, fusing futuristic bedroom-producer headspace with retro big-room boom. And the dude's just getting started.
Also headlining this month's Lights Down Low party is DJ Funk, a Chicago booty-bass legend who pioneered the “ghetto house” sound that still holds the Midwest underground in its filthy, rump-slapping grip. Funk'll get the panties wet; up to you to rip 'em off.
Fri/9, 9:30 p.m.-3 a.m., $15. SOM, 2925 16th St., SF. www.som-bar.com 
The word “timeless” sure gets thrown around a lot in this retro-minded era. And I'm fine with that, as long as the hype keeps fuelling comebacks like Virgo Four's. At the moment, timeless, in techno terms, is almost a spatial distinction – and records like the Chicago duo's wonderful “Vision” from 1989 really do sound like something that steps swiftly out of the distant past and into tomorrow's speakers.
Merwyn Sanders and Eric Lewis expertly stroked the house-techno-acid nexis of the time with a series of releases that now serve as a few vinyl collectors' 401ks. They've been relatively silent in the 20-odd years since, but from what I've heard on the virtual grapevine, their reunion DJ sets are deep and smoking. Honey Soundsystem and the No Way Back boys are pairing up to present this one, so the party should be mixed-crowd, no-attitude bliss.
Fri/9, 10 p.m.-4 a.m., $15. Public Works, 161 Erie, SF. www.publicsf.com 
TRUCK RELAUNCH WITH CHRISTEENE
One of San Francisco's cutest macho gay bars is having a makeover-do-over, with new co-owner Matt Bearracuda from the West Coast's insane Bearracuda bear dance parties joining already-owner Paul Miller at the helm. Apparently, a new menu, new parties, new faces are in store (and I bet a lot of those faces will be fuzzy in a good way).
First up, the actually insane trash drag rapper r&b clown-whore Christeene (www.christeene.org ) performs some “opening” numbers. I don't really “get” her, which just might be an endorsement!
Sat/10, 8 p.m., free. 1900 Folsom, SF. www.trucksf.com