Hey stoner stereotypes, see ya at Hippie Hill! I jk -- you can do way better on International Stoner Day this year in the Bay. Instead of watching wobbly teenagers inhale from "joints" the size of their lacrosse stick in Golden Gate Park (also avoid Haight Street today like the plague), steer your buzzed bumblings towards these carefully curated events that are sure to be safe, amaaaazing spaces for mature marijuana users.
It's a great day to hit up your fave dispensary, too -- many are offering deals and free joints to patients [e.g., the Castro's Apothecarium , where the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence will be holding court all day.] Other year-round best bets for the blazed: the Audium , the brand-new Exploratorium , or your couch.
Watching (over) you.
You are setting yourself up for glory if you manage to get out of bed, roll a joint, and bring it to the waterfront Saturday morning. Your fuzzy ramblings will bring you face-to-face with the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market's homage to billygoats. Yuss, you can pet the goats -- a petting stable will be set up by the Sur La Table entrance to the Ferry Building that has high nuzzle potential. Achadinha Cheese Company , Andante Dairy , and Yerba Santa Goat Cheese  will be teaching about goat industries in the Center for Urban Education about Sustainable Agriculture (CUESA) classroom, and this: 10-11am, "goat gab" from experts about why they like working with billies. 11am and noon, there will be sustainable goat cooking demos by celeb chefs -- a sure-fire buzzkill for softy vegetarians who just got done snuggling kids, you've been warned.
10am-1pm, free. Ferry Plaza Farmers Market, Embarcadero and Market, SF. www.cuesa.org 
Yoga Flow studio opening
Care to commune with your breath in a one-time Masonic lodge? Lookatit:
The new yoga studio, Yoga Flow, opening up off of Ocean Avenue is unrolling the welcome mat for 4/20, and will offer three sessions of different levels of yoga classes for newbs. Have you ever done yoga stoned? It is not for everyone, but for those for whom it is for, it is for them. After the classes conclude, a person named DJ Solar will beat-track a refreshment-mingle session from 7:30-10pm. Like, meet your community man. Find the day's class schedule on the Eventbrite page.
Cesar Chavez parade and street fair
I don't know, does social justice stimulate your stoned synapses? Dolores Park is going to be a big, sloppy mess, but it'll be worth braving to check out all the community groups and amazing people who will be marching in the parade celebrating California's preminent working class hero. Or conversely, post up closer to 24th Street so you can cruise the street fair celebrating the guy after the procession. Pro tip: swing by Galeria de la Raza  and get an army jacket (pillowcase?) printed with a kid-designed image of Chavez for just a $5 donation.
Parade: 11am, free. Route goes from 19th St. and Guerrero to 24th St. and Mission, SF. Street fair: noon-5pm, free. 24th St. between Treat and Bryant, SF. www.cesarchavezday.org 
Aryz: "Style is the Limit"
Whoa, dude. Aryz collaboration with Os Gemeos in Lodz, Poland (Aryz did the cig-craving skeleton lady)
Ignore the head-scratching rhetoric behind the title of this exhibition of Barcelona street artist Aryz 's studio work (ditto the wha-huh? promotional video ) and just space out on the work of one of the world's most original modern-day muralists in a Lower Haight gallery. The world was introduced to Aryz by his album cover  for Aesop Rock, and since then, we've gotten a chance to peep his work on mega-walls in both hemispheres (I got a chance to see him do the thing in person last fall  in Puerto Rico.) Creepy + thought-provoking + epically precise lines = perfect fodder for marijuana-fueled musings. Should you need more to ponder: Aryz is originally from Palo Alto, weirrrrrd.
Open on Sat/20 noon-6pm, free. Opening reception Fri/19, 7pm, free. Fifty24SF gallery, 218 Fillmore, SF. www.fifty24sf.com 
Mishap Psychic Fair
Nothing will make sense on 4/20 anyway, but surely the Mishap Psychic Fair is in the running for the least-sense-making honorific this Saturday. The (is it?) satirical set-up will feature tongue-in-cheek booths where you can align your crystals via rock opera, attune to your inner "sexy anger," and temper it all with cocktails if you're not too bleary-eyed from the traditional mode of celebration on this international holiday. Buy tix to the fair in advance and you'll snag a complimentary photo of your aura, a so-called magic elixir, or henna tattoo. Heal thyself, hippie.
The Last Unicorn birthday celebration screening
Meep! I'll let film editor Cheryl Eddy explain this one:
And now for something completely magical: Peter S. Beagle, author of beloved 1968 fantasy novel The Last Unicorn (among dozens of other works), turns 74 today, and he'll journey from his home in Oakland for a pair of birthday- and unicorn-themed San Francisco events. (Hooves up if you ever had a unicorn-themed birthday party! I know I did ... maybe more than once.) First is a screening of the 1982 animated film adapted from the book, with voices by Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges, and Alan Arkin; Beagle will be on hand to answer questions and sign books. Diehards can continue the festivities at the Cartoon Art Museum, which hosts a reading and further signings by the author, plus an auction of some mighty nifty original artwork to benefit the museum and Beagle's imminent multi-city tour. Costumes are encouraged, obvi.
Screening, noon-3pm, $8.50. Castro Theatre, 429 Castro, SF; VIP reception, 6-8pm, $25. Cartoon Art Museum, 655 Mission, SF. www.cartoonart.org 
A concert for which I will h/t to music writer Ryan Prendiville  for explanating because terms like "hypnagogic pop" addle me (admittedly, not a hard thing to do):
Minerva was the Roman goddess of wisdom. That's what I've found out on Wikipedia. What I've found out about Estonian lo-fi electronic chanteuse Maria Minerva is that she's an art school graduate/critic/glossolalia expert/comedy student. But, all I really know is that her Bless EP on 100% Silk is excellent. "Soulsearchin'," focuses on the anxiety of options, built around George Carlin's "Modern Man," but it's the laid-back guitar, slightly off-kilter percussion, and circling vocals on "Symbol of My Pleasure" that stay with me.
Whoa. The cwazy goth drag that will rule the night at the second installation of this creep show party will be fabulously morose end to a long day of baking in the sun. At 11:30pm the Secret Society of the Sonic Six  takes the stage to teleport you to another realm. Featuring the dark and stormy sartorial skills of host Lady Bear and her minions: Phatima, Vain Hein, Mica Sigourney, and more.
9:30pm-2am, $5 before 10pm, $8 after. Cafe Du Nord, 2174 Market, SF. Facebook event 
Well this is obviously the place to be if you have $75 to spend on becoming a total stoner stereotype. I am on the record  as a fan of Snoop Doggy Dogg's transformation into the reggae-fied, Bunny Wailer-approved, anti-gun Snoop Lion. Like the single says (music video below, featuring Snoop's recording artist daughter Cori B. and, somehow, Drake): "I need to hear my thoughts/turn the music up LOUD." Cop tix now because this is obvs the spot for any self-respecting pothead on this day of days. Cross your fingers Cori B. braves the clouds of smoke to attend!
Less buzz-harshing violence available in Snoop Lion's other goddamn amazing video:
9pm, $75. The Fillmore, 1805 Geary, SF. www.thefillmore.com 
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