Enough of the silicon and studio lighting! Sex in San Francisco just isn't that scripted – or is it? Good Vibrations put its yearly call out to amateur filmmakers to turn in their own seven minutes and under blue films. Straight, gay, perverted, vanilla, the rainbow of oohs and aahs will show you what's really going on in your neighbor's bedrooms (the hots ones, obviously). But wait, that's next week. This week, you can attend the IXFF kick off party at El Rio, where clips of queer hipster porn will be showing and burlesque babies will shimmy and shake for your viewing pleasure. Look at it this way, if you're going to be squirming in anticipation, you might as well have a cheap Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand.
Bawdy Storytelling: Cheapskate Sex & Cut-rate Coitus
He made you pay 25 cents for the bathroom vending machine condom? Jesus! Sometimes the sex is so cheap, you roll off the mattress and feel the urge to decry your date's tightwad tentacles to the world at large. Oh girl. Lucky you, because monthly series Bawdy Storytelling is featuring nothing but the least-fine and dine at this week's installation. Contact host Dixie De La Tour and wax on your tale of woe, she'll grab you your moment in the spotlight.
Weds/15 8 p.m., $10
The Blue Macaw
2565 Mission, SF
Wanna wrassle? Carol Queen and Robert Morgan Lawrence guide you through the times when you wanna reach out and choke someone (lovingly, and with consent). This females-only workshop will cover rape fantasies, ravishing, and unstylized BDSM play.
Fri/17 8-10 p.m., $10
The Women's Building
3543 18th St., SF
Master's Den: Casino
Female submissives and male dominants are invited to pony up to the table at this blackjack and Texas Hold 'Em event, where subs can work on their service-providing skills and doms have the chance to up their “Den Dollar” holdings. The night is part of a trio of events leading up to sex power couple Stefanos and Chey's “Auction” night.
Fri/17 7:15 p.m.- 1 a.m., $25-35
1277 Mission, SF
Hubba Hubba Revue Four Year Anniversary
Four years of one of SF's hottest troupe of betassled performers, monkey men, and wisecracks galore? My, they're aging well. Celebrate Hubba Hubba's commitment to sexy, strippy excellence by attending the show they're purporting to be their biggest ever, starring all the sparkling sequins we've grown so fond of: Honey Lawless, Bunny Pistol, Alotta Boutte, and so, so much more.
Fri/17 9 p.m.- 2 a.m., $12-15
375 11th St., SF
Hot Rods and Lube Jobs
Rev your engines, ladies and gentlemen. This fundraiser for the Center of Sex and Culture capitalizes on all the fantasies generated by those well greased photos in auto magazines – you know, the ones with boobies up on the hood and whatnot. Pole dancing performances by Kitty Me-OW, and an appearance by Jiz Lee are featured. Exhibitionists encouraged to drop the top and cruise through.
Sat/18 8 p.m.- 1 a.m., $40-50
10929 San Pablo, El Cerrito
Indie Erotic Film Festival Kick Off Party
Because you can't just bam, start off with the main event! No, some one needs to ease you into it, give you some hipster queer porn as a tease, perhaps a couple of burlesque dancers stripping down to their pasties. Next week will be the actual IXFF, patience child.
Sat/18 9 p.m., $7
3158 Mission, SF