It's about that time, cats and kittens. Time to start fantasizing -- Halloween is just around the corner. And though everyone and their mother is going to be Stephen Colbert's Muslim vampire  this year, many will seize the autumnal juncture as an opportunity to whore it up and out – in a good way!
After all, who doesn't love the sexy nurses, kitties, police officers, and Snookies that stalk the city bars each year on the 31st? Look, the point is that on this day of days society indulges those that follow their dreams. May as well make it a wet dream, no? Sexy Muslim vampire it is! Oh, and here are some sexy events that'll wet your whistle this week, with an emphasis on finding that alluring inner equilibrium.
Two events this week to get you hooked into what's happening in Dixie De La Tour's recurring sexcapade storytelling series: one, a best-of edition featuring writers and comedians from around town (Wed/6) and two, a back alley Lit Crawl  edition of Bawdy that'll have Clarion Alley echoing with the retelling of disastrous dates and tales of unconventional canoodling.
Bawdy Storytelling: Graphic Confessions
Wed/6 8 p.m., $10
The Blue Macaw
2565 Mission, SF
Bawdy in the Alley
Sat/9 8:30-9:30 p.m., free
Clarion Alley between 17th and 18th St., SF
Declaring Our Erotic
Jen Cross knows that erotic writing isn't just a pleasure to read – for some, the act of writing down passions can be a cathartic, even therapeutic event. That's why she's offering this eight-week class for survivors of LGBT sexual trauma. The syllabus promises a safe space to reconnect with your body's desires and memories. And of course, a chance to write some hot, dirty smut.
First class Thu/7 6:30-9 p.m., $225-250
email email@example.com  for details
Put the Citadel's 5,400 square feet of devious dungeon to use to use for the whipping, slapping, burning, and loving of young loins – hot young male whippersnappers will be the only ones invited to this get together of BDSM blowout.
Fri/8 9 p.m.- 1:30 a.m., $25
1277 Mission, SF
Love, sex, and intrigue in the palace! But this ain't no corset-buster. No, Steven Saylor's new book Empire is a males-only play space – the plotline follows Emperor Nero's eunuch lover Sporus, who becomes the hottest piece of tranny ass on the Forum. Let Saylor woo you into a new love of history at this talk about his latest historical tome of carnal knowledge.
Mon/11 7:30 p.m., free
A Different Light Bookstore
489 Castro, SF
(415) 431 0891
Grizzly's Bullwhips by the Bay
Don't worry baby, they got loaner whips. Put your lusted one's mind at ease by polishing up your whipping skills at this bimonthly peer skill share class by the sea. It's about safety, kids! After all, when the singletails start flying, you can't always guarantee that Grizzly, the organizer of the get-togethers, will be there with spare protective goggles to guard those bedroom eyes.
Sun/10 11:30 a.m.- 1 p.m., free
Southeast of the Golden Gate Park Polo Fields, SF
Body Love for Better Sex
How would you spread your legs if you weren't worried about chunky inner thighs? Body anxiety can be the nemesis of good sex – but Virgie Tovar, fat positive sex educator, is here to help you titter about Miss Body Anxiety until she drops out of school due to social anxiety. Which is to say, help you feel as pretty as you are. Aww. No more naked nervousness, bam.
Mon/11 6-8 p.m., $20-25
1620 Polk, SF