Historically speaking, it's good to be a geek. Think about it – has any era in history more readily rewarded those whose aptitudes shine in the areas of minutiae and social awkwardness? Thanks to the Internet, every geek has an audience – and thanks to the Internet there's the Internet, a land where technological know-how gets you feature film bio-flicks and material fortune beyond your wildest science fiction fantasies. Basically, geeks get laid these days. Definitely prime time for Bawdy Storytelling  to hold an evening of live show-and-tell entitled “Sex Wonk,” (Weds/12) wherein those who are super gungho about the old in-and-out can revel in their geekiness – and that Star Trek hand sign takes on new levels of perversion.
“A Penis Show”
Jack Davis crochets penis. Neither more nor less – the artist has whipped up hundreds, if not thousands of the little fellers since his first show upon graduating college. Thanks to his work, you can surround yourself with colorful, crochet cock and balls at Magnet, the free sexual health center in the Castro – take one home to make your apartment walls stand a little more erect. It'll look great with your '70s porn pillows !
Through Jan. 31
4122 18th St., SF
Bawdy Storytelling: Sex Wonk
The featured guests at this month's sharing-is-caring story series include Sarah Dopp, eminent webmaster for the transgendered community , engineers, sex educators, and the good people from SF Sex Information, who will be on hand to answer all your pleasantly nerdy queries on boning in between the witty, touching, and downright blush-inducing stories from all the speakers.
Weds/12 8 p.m., $10
The Blue Macaw
2565 Mission, SF
Invasion: A Queer Takeover of the Citadel
The Citadel sheds all signs of straightness for a night: hosts Asher and Char preside over an evening of gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, fag, dyke, leatherman, leatherwoman, butch, femme, transgender, transsexual, and genderqueer-styled BDSM debauchery. Added bonus: for all you cheap queers, members are invited to volunteer for an hour at the event and get in gratis.
Fri/14 8 p.m.-1 a.m., $25 members only
1277 Mission, SF
SF Spanking Society Munch
Do you ever attend BDSM munches and feel, well, a little soft core? Is all you really want a good spank (or ass to spank)? This is the get-together for you then, cause all that'll be on the table are the possibility of red cheeks and the probability of kinky conversation.
Sat/15 noon-2 p.m., free
The Thirsty Bear
661 Howard, SF
Heavy Petting Zoo
Surely this month's Kinky Salon dress-up swinger's ball has a theme that most SF weirdos can get down on: the furry, feathery, bescaled kingdom of animalia. Everyone has some kitty cat ears or frog-hued face paint lying around the house, don't they? And even if you don't, you can still get your bootie on: swipe your buddy's denim overalls and viola! You, sir, are a farm hand. Now get to milking that cow.
Sat/15 10 p.m.-late, $30-35 members only
2519 Mission, SF
Bedroom Body Moves
Y'know all those classes that are the rage with your racy Aunt Carol in Modesto, the pole dance for exercise courses? Those things are all over the place. But what the hell, why strip for the caloric exodus? Seems silly when you could instead take it all off to get your partner off, amiright? Leaving aside all questions of “staying in shape,” then, we present to you this course, which focuses on the simple act of clothes removal and its seductive powers (especially when you're sitting on someone's lap).
Tues/18 6-8 p.m., $20-25
1620 Polk, SF