Why do most alien encounter stories involve sexual liaison? Leaving aside the non-believers' theory that the yarns are the result of pervy souls in need of some quality time with a loved one, one must come to the conclusion that for the aliens, sex is part of some higher purpose. (Just kidding -- how much higher can you get?) The folks at Bent, the Bay's party for kinky youth, have this figgered, of course. This month, when many events are turning pink and heart-shaped, the costumed kinkfest pays homage to the greys, the greens, the purples, and the scaled. It's an alien get-down, and we're all invited! Just be sure and brush up  on your E.T. anatomy before you go. You don't wanna be “that girl” that gets freaked out by an extra orifice or three.
Bent: Close Encounters
Take me to your penis! The young persons' kink party goes extraterrestrial with a full program of alien delights: a staged abduction, a bellydance by an enslaved human, a static wand striptease (go with it), and all manners of UFOs to beam down to the dungeon once you're ready to play rough.
Fri/4 9 p.m. - 2 a.m., $20
1277 Mission, SF
There are few things sexier than the sight and feel of paintbrush on bare skin. Though body painting has been the victim of co-option by Pink Floyd (and by extension, every coed's dorm room wall, ever. Honestly, who's gonna be the first to make a coffee table book of the most cliched college posters?), true artistry exists in the form of colorized folds and follicles. Test that theory out for yourself at this benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture, at which naked and fetish-clad models will be rendered masterpieces – all in the name of art, mind you.
Fri/4 3-8 p.m., $20
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
The first edition of Mission Control's new pansexual, erotic-spiritual play party promises to reinvigorate your chi – the night will be populated by shamans, Aphrodite, shrines, services, and attempts to recalibrate sexually. Yessir – sex is rite tonight, so if you're down for the spiritual-sensual woo-woo then my friend, you have found your Saturday jump-off.
Sat/5 9 p.m. - late, $30-35 members only
Burlesque 'n' Brass
So you love burlesque, but simply cannot leave yourself open to the prospect of another Ke$ha or Metallica-soundtracked stripdown? Hie thee hence to Cafe Van Kleef, where the lovely ladies are accompanied by a live jazz band that would never, ever launch into “Oops I Did It Again.” Nothing but class for the wondrous women performers of Hot Pink Feathers  – and your side of gin martini.
Sat/5 9:30 p.m., $10
Cafe Van Kleef
1621 Telegraph, SF
Introduction to Red Tantra
Progress from tantric yoga to light touch and energy work, along with discussions of amrita (the female ejaculation), the multi-orgasmic state, and delayed ejaculation for men. This couples-only workshop is non-explicit, so it's perfect for the twosome that wants to expand their practice, but not their audience.
Tues/8 6-8 p.m., $45-50 per couple
1620 Polk, SF
Gay Mystery 101
Nancy Drew was never this sexy. Mystery novels have progressed since your grade school days, as authors Paul Faraday and Haley Walsh can surely attest. The two will be reading excerpts from their novels (Straight Shooter and Foxe Tail, respectively) that star hot gay protagonists getting to the bottom of sinister happenings in Southern California. Bathhouses, vodka martinis, and Antonio Banderas lookalikes promise to figure mightily.
Tues/8 7:30 p.m., free
A Different Light Bookstore
489 Castro, SF