I was paging through my neon-orange-and-yellow copy of Tristan Taormino's Feminist Porn Book  and generally feeling good about International Women's Day when I discovered that gah! I totally spaced and missed out on a really important porn happening that is sweeping the country: handsome wackjob Craig Gross' "Porn Kills" tour !
The comely Gross has been motoring about visiting the country's third tier cities in -- yes! -- a hearse, enlisting pro-Jesus spoken word poets and Christian video artists who love frosted flakes  to spread the word that porn is threatening the collapse of our families. In a hip way, with skulls and stuff.
As amusing as it would have been to read about my adventures at Gross' March 10 Bakersfield gig, he didn't send me the press release and I missed it. Rude. Let's attempt to heal with this week's sex events:
Guerrero Gallery's celebrating its third birthday with a bunch of naked hotties -- "Nudes" is a group exhibition of 18 artists' depictions of the human form. Our sneak peek favorite has to be Erin Riley's sensual handwoven tapestries which show scenes of lovers embracing, and one woman really indulging her attraction to Budweiser beer.
Through April 6. Opening reception: Sat/9, 7-11pm, free. Guerrero Gallery, 2700 19th St., SF. www.guerrerogallery.com 
Fan Dancing with Balla Fire
Worry not if your closet doesn't hide a pair of Dita Von Teese-style, body-sized feather fans — Sin Sisters Burlesque's Balla Fire says most any flat surfaces will do for this fluttery seminar. And while trash can lids or three-ring binders may not inspire the most sultry of moods, worry not: Ms. Fire, a veteran of the burlesque scene since 2005, has curvy aplomb to spare and enviable teaching skills.
Sun/10, 7-9pm, $30. Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission, SF. www.sexandculture.org 
That which stokes one's creative fire is unique to each of us. The shape that reanimates Lee Miltier and Maria Yates' embers is that of a dildo — a handcrafted, artfully whorled dildo at that. The duo's Fucking Sculptures are on display all month at this all-female art show in Oakland and as part of the exhibition, Yates will teach a workshop today on how to craft one's own sex toy.
Through March 29. DIY sex toy workshop: Sun/10, 3-5pm, $5-10 donation suggested. Moco Gallery, 371 17th St., Oakl. facebook.com/mocosoart 
Three years of Oh!
Watch this video:
Tell me you don't want to be at the third annivesary (so many of those this week!) of host Danimal's twice-monthly party. Darling DJ Robin Simmons will give you something to listen to beyond the slaps and moans, mmkay?
Wed/13, 10pm-2am, $3. Powerhouse, 1347 Folsom, SF. Facebook event