Cruising Craigslist: This week's best personals

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Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone.

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Doesn’t it suck when you see a little or morbidly obese person at the mall and, before you even have a second to feel extra confident at their expense, you get blindsided by a wave of guilt? I mean, you may be a little chubby or short, but at least you can get laid sometimes, right? At least you have friends! These folks must live in a private and sexless hell with nothing but their love-smothered pets to keep them from pulling the plug. And the worst part is, there’s nothing they can do about it. What a cruel, cruel world! Well, you can stop with the mind fuck. If anything, you should be jealous.

After all, you and I have to go to ridiculous lengths just to get noticed. Buying cool clothes, getting tattoos, and pretending to like Animal Collective are only the beginning. Sometimes we even have to become artists or writers or musicians … anything just to stand out a little. [Ed Note: good luck with that.] But not fabulous human anomalies. All they have to do is turn on a computer and start scrolling through ads, because for every midget with a pee fetish, and for every fat lady with a mustache, there are at least 50 people in San Francisco who are down for showering them with love.

And they’re all on Craigslist.

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Midget Fetish - m4w - 21 (Your Place)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-01-23, 2:13AM PST

Ok, plain out and simple: I wanna fuck a midget. I gotta know what it’s like. If you're a lil’ person, or if you know a lil’ person who wants to hook up, let me know ASAP.

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Only Anorexic Chicks Need Apply - 27 (Ingleside / SFSU / CCSF)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-01-31, 12:02PM PST

This is what I want: an anorexic chick. Hell, I won't discriminate, bulimic chicks are pretty hot too. If you want to split hairs, sure, chicks on diets or just with creative eating habits, you're cool people to me too. If you have an A cup, legs almost as thin as your arms and wear a size 0, you're my kind of girl. If Lindsay Lohan is fat compared to you, that's a plus. If you wear kids clothes because adult clothes don't fit you, even better. As far as I'm concerned, the skinnier, the better. And this isn't a snub against meatier girls either. I just don't find you attractive. Please don't take it personal and/or send me hate emails about how my request is inherently sexist or perpetuating some sort of hegemonic power structure against women. Seriously, I don't care. I like what I like. Simple as that.

And even if you're "healthy" and just naturally uber skinny, I won't discriminate either. I understand how difficult it is for many people to appreciate such a thin person. I realize people equally discriminate against the thin, almost as much as people do against the obese. Maybe the discrimination is because of jealousy, blatant prejudice, or some other intimately profound explanation: the result of our semi-obese population. Whatever the case may be, that kind of mistreatment can be difficult to deal with and I'm here for you. It sounds crazy, but there really are those of us out there that appreciate your masochistic and self-loathing ways. What can I say, I think it’s really hot. You kind of ladies make emo chicks look like attention whores and I love it. In any event, if you're out there anorexic girls, kindly hit me up. I'd love to hear from you.

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I Like *Unusual* Bodies. Do you like mine? - m4w - 41 (Mission District)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-02, 5:04PM PST

Is there something unusual about your body? Hate wondering "when am I going to tell him? What will he think?" when you’re on a date? You don't have to worry about that with me.

I like bodies of unusual shapes and sizes. Tall, short, fat, skinny, with missing bits, with extra bits, with bits that don't work the way you expect. I'm fascinated, and want to learn how your body works.

But it's not enough to be unusual. You also have to be fun, friendly, communicative, and enthusiastic. It might just be a booty call, but it's only fun if we *like* each other. You know?

I'm male, white, 5 foot 9, 190 pounds. BBW especially welcome.

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Good Looking Latino Guy Looking for Amputee - m4m (Castro / Upper Market)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-01, 12:19PM PST

Good-looking Latino guy looking for amputee man. Hope to hear from you, hit me up to exchange pics ;) [Ed Note: This is one of those times I wish I was an amputee -- sounds hot.]

Comments

Thin girls gotta eat too. Or do they? How many times have I been honored to be in the presence of the drunken Marina girl doing her best tightrope walk on the street with the idea of, "I'm so fat, oh my God look at me I'm so fat" tripping her way performing uncanny-like Matrix-moves all the way down to her final porcelain bowl destination so that she can utter out the guffaw of all guffaws, BARF!!!!!! "Oh my God.....oh my God, that was like suuuuuuuuuch a relief and junk and stuff."

Posted by El Sexo on Feb. 05, 2009 @ 9:37 am

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