Save a kitten: Look goofy for Jesus

|
(7)

By Juliette Tang

exmasturbatora.jpg

According to the "Passion for Christ Movement," or P4CM, "We want you to rock it, but you better have confidence. People will be clowning on you. If you walk into a 7-11, people will be joking and snickering, and you almost want to direct it to those people, telling them, 'You're all laughing, but probably cuz you're all still masturbating."

Is public humiliation really the cure for masturbation? Because we know that after your mom caught you masturbating that one time under the sheets, you completely stopped masturbating cold turkey. Riiiiight. Isn't it enough that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten and an angel loses his wings? No, not according to P4CM, the masturbation experts:

More hilarious shirts after the jump:


Ex-homosexual. How sad. "I went all the way to Gay and all I got was this stupid t-shirt."


Ex-Hypocrite. This girl is a hypocrite if I've ever seen one. I know that's not Christian Rock on your iPod.


Ex-fornicator. Uh oh, I fornicate with my exes all the time. Ugh. Why can't I stop having ex-sex? It's not my fault I sent those late night text messages I swear! It's the stupid devil juice I drink at the sinful neighborhood bar.


Ex-Hustler. Hey look, it's Jesus! Don't feel so bad about yourself -- Jesus was an ex-hustler too.

Comments

The terrible thing is, I'm caught between really wanting one of those shirts and not wanting to make the crazies' sales go up. Hell, I could get one of those shirts for every day of the week, I think they're the funniest thing I've ever seen. To the group that does them though, pick you battles, huh?

Posted by Stella on Feb. 08, 2009 @ 7:27 am

masterbation is natural and a healthy exercise. Jesus did it so will I do it also.

Posted by Pope Benedictine on Feb. 05, 2009 @ 9:48 am

Fuck this and fuck religion. You are all idiots. I will never be a hypocrite, I AM A HUMAN BEING!

The Bible is outdated, when are you going to realize that.

Posted by Gabriel Guzman-Mayo on Feb. 09, 2009 @ 7:27 pm

If I see someone wearing one of those ridiculous "ex-masturbator" shirts, I'll ask them right in front of everyone else, "So you've moved on to fornicating?"

It amazes me that the religotards insist on controlling everyone's sexuality literally to the point of trying to coerce them into stopping masturbating. How incredibly ridiculous.

Posted by Alexa on Feb. 06, 2009 @ 2:48 am

Ex-homosexual? Now that is really coming out! Professionals in the field assure us that they are still Gay.

Posted by Fred Conwell on Feb. 06, 2009 @ 7:03 am

er... I don't think The Bible was ever iintended to be 'up-to-date', since everything in it was written at least several hundred if not thousands of years after the fact. However, the advice and wisdom contained in it could not be more up-to-date, if that's your criterion for critiquing the written word.. You hope you will never be a hypocrite but merely stating that belies your own belief, whatever that may be. Indeed we are all idiots, although perhaps less so than the person who wrote this- get your spleen cleaned chum!
Ther Deezer

Posted by SLEDWYN DEEZER on Feb. 25, 2009 @ 10:58 am