Cruising Craigslist: Swapping in the name of love

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Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

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Long-term monogamous relationships are great for a lot of different reasons -- sex when you want it (Ed Note- ha!), no new STD’s, snuggling, etc—but anyone who’s been coupled for more than a year will tell you that the situation can also get a little boring. It’s not that the other person inexplicably starts to suck; if that were the case you’d just leave them. It’s just that, after a while, it’s easy to forget how great your other half is. And of course, it’s just as easy for him or her to forget how wonderful you are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just trade each other out for new partners once in a while? Well, you can. It’s called swinging, or swapping, or polyamory-with-rules and it’s nothing but fun. Almost nothing but fun. It is true that one of you will probably get jealous and start shouting, and crying, and throwing things at some point, but that’s easy to deal with. A calm, logical discussion about the fairness of your sexcapades should be enough to quell any ill feelings. After all, love is the most rational emotion there is, right?

Still unsure? Well, most of the Craigslist Cruisers below have been married or coupled for five years or more. They must be doing something right.

Young stud and hot milf want to play - mw4mw - 38 (willow glen / Cambrian)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-01, 11:51PM PST

Hey there. We are a couple seeking another couple in the South bay area. He's 24, Italian with a hot body and a well-hung cock with LOTS of stamina. She's 38 and Asian, cute and perky and gives awesome blowjobs. This is our first time playing with another couple and hope to meet up with another couple who also relatively new to this. Perhaps we can meet for drinks sometime soon (this weekend if possible) and if all goes well, we can take it from there.

Desire to connect with a couple and ... - mw4mw - 39 (walnut creek)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-01, 1:45PM PST

We are a friendly, grounded, and open-minded couple. Interested in experiencing something new: same room and/or soft swap sex with another couple. Referring to soft swap: she is bisexual so definitely would be interested in playing with the other female (if only she wants to) by touching and kissing and our men watching us, which would be very hot and arousing for everyone all around.

Most important no pressure and everyone feeling comfortable, an environment where we can openly speak or likes and dislikes! If the connection is there great, if not, then at least we can make some new friends.

We are drug and disease free and would like you to be too!

Male: Latino, 44, 5ft 8inches, 165, tone, dark hair, moustache and brown eyes.

Female: Irish, English, and Welsh, 39, 5ft 4inches, 38C, thick body, size: 14/16, with curves, fair skin, dark auburn, natural curly hair, and green eyes.

If you are interested, please email us and tell us about yourself. We can exchange photos and go from there. If we meet and the chemistry is right, definitely would be interested in splitting for a hotel room and exploring and playing together!

Thank you for checking out our ad and we look forward to hearing from you!!!

Couple looking for friends with benes - mw4mw - 38 (Albany / el Cerrito)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-01, 12:34PM PST

So, a little about us:
We are a professional couple. She is an executive at a large company. He used to be but runs his own small business now. We have a teenager and a pre-schooler, so between work and family our time is tight. We enjoy dining, fine wine, and other mundane pursuits like movies, games, and books. As you can tell, we are not the hard-core Friday and Saturday night party crowd. Even without the kids we never really were. So, if you are clubbers, we probably aren't a good fit. We do enjoy going out, but much more on the mild end of things. Our typical date night is a nice restaurant and then off to a cafe to read. (Yeah, we rock.) We are not hard drinkers, but he is 420 friendly. we prefer non-smokers and no drugs (aside from 420 obviously).

She is 34, 5'4", Brown hair, aqua-ish eyes, glasses, 130, yummy curves, a delicious ass, with teacup breasts. He 37 is 5'10", brown hair, hazel green eyes, glasses, 210, with a super thick uncut cock. She is mildly Bi, as is he. This really isn't a priority, and we see it as a bonus more than anything.

So, what do we want from you? We would like to find some nice people to hang out with, who have similar tastes, and understand we aren't available 100% of the time. We are happy to spend nights in at our house, or get baby-sitting and spend the evening out. The one thing that is totally necessary is an understanding that planning is part of our lives, and spontaneity while fun, is terribly hard for us. It would be more fun if we could see this as finding some friends who we also happen to have sex with.

Sexually we are full swap. We aren't interested in breaking your wife in, or trying to convince her swinging is fun. We will ALWAYS respect your boundaries, and we expect the same from you. Protection for intercourse is not optional, but is for oral. We don't mind cameras, and REALLY enjoy watching each other fuck. Currently, we are NOT looking for singles, males, or married males playing without their wives. Please don't email us if this is you. We would be happy to entertain the idea of a single female, so feel free to email us if this is you.

Hope this finds you well. Thanks for getting through this whole thing.

LOOKING FOR A FREAKY COUPLE OR FEMALE - mw4mw - 27 (Brentwood / Oakley)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-01, 6:15PM PST

We are a very chill, respectful, clean, and freaky couple so we would like the same. The female is very bi and the male is straight. We are looking to meet a couple that is down for whatever, whether it would be a soft swap or a full swap. The female is really into oral so your woman must be too. She loves women with big butts, so couples with women that have a phatty hit us up. Must be attractive. Also, the male must be black and the female can’t be Asian. Hit us up if your are interested and would like to meet soon, whether it be for a drink, dinner , a club whatever. We are straight to the point and we would like the same. This could be a one-time thing or a lot of times thing depending on how the ladies hit it off. Please respond with a recent pic. No pic, no response.

Would you two like to be my wife's birthday present? - mw4mw – 37
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-28, 8:01PM PST

Hi friendly sexy people,

My wife's birthday is nearing, and I proposed to her that she get something she's wanted (and not yet had): a small collection of friendly, playful, sexy, people -- probably including me -- devoting themselves to her sexual pleasure.

For example, some possibilities I whispered into her shapely ear with while we had sex this afternoon in the shifting light: having you perform a series of poses for us, almost as tableaux, with her having the option to swap herself in to one position or another; having her undress you two and being undressed by you in turn; us trading partners [but see below] and having side-by-side sex; and, playing out various (relatively innocuous) fantasies of hers, such as you two 'finding her' in 'your' bed in only a long tee shirt, lightly asleep but carefully, slowly, fuckable; and so on. We're pretty creative, and have a rich fantasy life; but are open to good ideas and your own fantasies.

It's not necessarily the case that I (her husband) would participate, if that's one of your own boundaries, if that's not what develops, or frankly if you aren't 'in' to me sexually; but we both want me to be with her for the experience.

This is really about and for her; I don't even necessarily need to get off (at the time). We want her to be tantalized and possibly overwhelmed. We want her to come hard -- hopefully, more than once.

We're not shy of but aren't anticipating much in the way of me and another man being very sexual. But that's not off limits, either.

We are not totally inexperienced in this arena; we've played with other couples before, had same-room sex, and this momentum in our lives was kindled as a result of a positive visit recently to an upbeat play party, involving light but delicious play with another man -- but we are definitely not in any 'scene.' We've never gone 'all the way' with another couple or person (though we've put out a few offers). This is our first CL ad of this type.

For this occasion, we would like to up the ante and move our boundaries a good distance... but that said, if you have a tantalizing offer that doesn't go too 'far,' but that you think we'd like, please, make a proposal. We're not into BDSM and true power-play, btw -- though simulation of such things is not out of bounds.

Safe sex, natch, is an absolute requirement.

We're by default looking for another M/F couple, but we are happy to entertain offers from F/F or M/M couples (or, I suppose, larger collectives!).

We're definitely *not* looking for single women or men at this time -- regrets!

Something about us: we have been married for more than five years, and have been a stable (essentially monogamous) couple for a much longer time. We are still very much in love; and I would confidently say that individually and as a couple we are quite healthy, grounded, and sane.

We're both college-educated professionals with passions we devote time and sweat to outside of work (in the arts and social/political activism). We're long-time burners and backpacker-style travelers. We have many good and long-term friends and socialize quite a bit. We're now in our mid-late 30's, but still fighting to live the life we have built and that we love.

My wife is, by most people's standards, very attractive. I may be biased it's hard for me to imagine a women-interested man between oh 20 and 60 who wouldn't be quite happy to enjoy and be enjoyed by her. She's a dancer very much in touch with her strong strong, lithe, tall (5'8"), body; and I have always described her (accurately I think) as 'lovely.' She's funny, very playful, very charismatic, has real presence, and is very empathic to boot.

My own strengths are more that I am smart, very creative, on occasion charming, and (depending on your sense of it) pretty funny, than classically handsome -- though I do think I dress up reasonably well, actually my blue eyes help. I'm 5'10". Full disclosure requires that I'm currently at the plumper side of my long slow fitness oscillation, but I'm not fat.

Neither of us would meet the perfection desired by some posters / seekers here, and we are on the far side of 35 now. But I think by local standards we're a genuinely cute and appealing couple. If we like your response, we'll send you pictures to judge for yourself.

What [we think] we're looking for is another couple not unlike ourselves: stable, sane, smart, funny, playful, and genuinely relaxed about (but turned on by) this sort of thing. For this occasion, there is a premium on sexiness, I admit; I would love for my wife to experience something truly delicious. :)

Age and race not prerequisites; neither is status (friends-with-benefits, fuck buddies, and long-married all fair). We're both Caucasian.

Offhand I would say another inexperienced couple would be more our speed; but again -- make a proposal... :)

We would host. We've got a quite comfortable space in the City, with a hot tub and fireplace to add romance to the equation as needed, and also to allow a nice casual mutual feeling-out up front.

I'm not sure how many responses this type of thing usually gets, so I will apologize in advance if we don't get back to everyone personally. Please don't take it personally (unless you are clearly not what we're looking for (or vice versa), in which case, what did you expect...?).

As you might expect from the length and style of this letter, we're probably going to be most positive on well-written and honest letters with the same degree of disclosure.

The more we can get a sense of you before hand -- and why this idea turns you on as much as us -- the better. :)

Your pictures, of whatever type you would like to include, are very much encouraged, but not an absolute requirement. If you sound like a good match for us, we'll respond with our own pictures, and we can talk further. Btw we are not averse to meeting at a cafe or bar (etc.) before hand to make sure things seem right, before hand, that might be our own preference.

If you're made it this far, thanks for reading. I know this isn't the concise, purely functional, sort of thing that usually gets posted here.

Have a great evening and weekend, all! And be safe out there.

-Us