Too many str8 boys kissing, maybe


By Marke B.


OK, all this may be a little tired by now, but I'm still in full agreement with Kimberly Chun's expert take down of Katy "UR So Gay" Perry from January of last year. That was published before Perry's odiously catchy "I Kissed a Girl" became impossible to escape last summer -- the ditty managed to "have it both ways," heh, playing both anti-gay conservatives and LGBTs for maximum chart effect. That's clever, but the song's lame sentiment (kissing girls turns my boyfriend on -- lesbians are only here for my amusement!) still makes my stomach churn.

The parodies came swift and mercilessly, from "I Kissed a Squirrel" (available in many versions) to "I Kissed a Granny" (yeesh!) to "I Kissed a Dog." Oh, enough already, YouTube Nation.

And then, of course, teh gay. I should have known there would be an onslaught of over-the-top backlash when drag superstar Lady Bunny unleashed "I Licked a Girl" on the world last year (first minute below):

Lady Bunny, "I Licked a Girl" at Southern Decadence

Yay, overly familiar gynophobia! Still, it could all be called hilarious if it wasn't a trend. Now, the pendulum has swung back, with emo boys embracing the kissing hysteria, and a flood of "I Kissed a Boy" guyliner-bedecked parodies, headed up by primo "hip" parody purveyors Cobra Starship's version from a Fall Out Boy (!) mixtape. I knew I was gonna have to surrender my critical faculties and just go with the flow when one of my smartest gay friends told me he was completely Lady GaGa for the boy in the video, followed by my bf Hunky Beau's comment: "Oh goodie, he takes his shirt off." At least the dood-singer Gabe lipsyncher (a reader informs us in the that this is a fan vid, not Cobra Starship itself) plays with the whole baseball-bat-bashing theme a little, even if he can't quite bring himself to admit the "he liked it" more than just wanting to "start shit."

Cobra Starship, "I Kissed A Boy"

So much confliction! Smash! Twist! Contort! Feint! Poor thing. I guess my question is, is kissing really that big a deal? And also, with the super-prominence of porn availability in the Internet age, has kissing become the final frontier of sexual boundaries -- the last retainer of intimacy now that all other sex acts have been publicized/commodified? Janet Jackson's boob, Paris and Britney's flashed beavers, and then Katy's emo lesbo-liplock spawn. Well, I guess whatever automatically short circuits "fag" in the comments section these days is maybe a good thing?

After the jump, an explosion of "I Kissed a Boys," with various degrees of homophobic liberation. Thanks, Katy!

Damien Lux, "I Kissed a Boy"

Greg Paulus/Jensen Reed, "I Kissed a Boy"

Nengstle, "I Kissed a Boy"

And, my absolute favorite:


Thanks for the note Rosie -- it was difficult to get more info about the vid, especially when you're allergic to Fall Out Boy like me. They're like emo peanuts!

I guess my thought is more "why does kissing boys still start shit?" -- or at least enough shit to warrant the amount of attention that's now being heaped upon Cobra Starship right now for this. And has starting shit for attention replaced actual affection in our instant fameball times? Fetish alert!

I remember being part of Guerrilla Queer Bar about 8 years ago and going to the Marina to start some shit, thinking we'd be scandalous. But the stereotype was on us -- frat boyish guys at the Trap Door actually paid me and my roommate to make out, and everywhere we went we were bought shots because people were down. I guess the vid is just another way of getting paid to start shit ... and I know SF is inured to queerness ... but still, it's kind of funny to me the cycles that "transgression" can go through ...

Posted by Marke B on Mar. 16, 2009 @ 8:09 pm


Posted by monistat on Mar. 16, 2009 @ 8:05 pm

Ugh as if the world needed to parody last years smash crap hit! God we are all just out of good ideas in the record industry today aren't we. Boring. But hey Britney is a parody of herself and she made it so why not sell out. Thanks capitalism! What that video needs is some drag queens dancing around to give it "ligit" street cred.......

Posted by Anna Conda on Mar. 16, 2009 @ 5:10 pm

The thing with Gabe is that he really does kiss boys to start shit. Anyone who knows the band knows exactly why the song was so apt for them.

The video you posted is a fan video made from the Citizens FOB mixtape, and not actually featuring the band themselves, for the record.

Posted by Rosie on Mar. 16, 2009 @ 6:46 pm

One wonders why he has to kiss a boy to get his honeyz interested in the first place?

Posted by pete on Mar. 25, 2009 @ 4:49 am

"Girls are nasty, kiss a boy," ahh... the wisdom of youth. If only i had figured that out at his age.

Posted by Brenden S on Mar. 17, 2009 @ 8:04 am

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