Cruising Craigslist: Breakfast of champions

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Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

morningsex41a.jpg

If there’s one thing that sucks about living in San Francisco it’s the fact that most of us have to hustle our asses off just to make rent every month. We have to work shitty side jobs to avoid homelessness through grad school or we have to hold down three careers simultaneously just so we can maintain one that makes us feel good. It wouldn’t be so bad if our bodies and minds were designed to handle such frantic schedules, but the fact of the matter is that they’re not. We have to sleep at least 20 hours a week and we have to eat at least once a day. And yes, we have to have sex sometimes too. The question is, “When?”

Well, if you’re life is anything like ours, the only time of day that’s almost always open is dawn. You don’t have to be anywhere, you don’t have to answer any emails, etc. With a small tweak to your sleep schedule, you can transform your early mornings from the nicotine-and-caffeine binges they are now into the hot and heavy love sessions you’ve been missing out on. The only problem is, where the hell are you going to find a compatible sex partner at 5am?

Craigslist, duh.

Early morning discreet fun - m4w - 28 (san Jose east)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 10:46PM PST

Hi, thanks for taking the time to check out my post. I am looking for a discreet encounter w/ a sexy woman who would like me to come over around 5 am and leave around 6:30 am. I am very oral and love to make a woman moan with pleasure as I lick you to ecstasy. I am not picky, just want clean, disease free, 420 friendly woman. fairly open minded pls feel free to email me if you have questions.

Early AM Oral - m4m - 44 (redwood city)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 9:39PM PST
I love the taste of cock in the morning - can I taste you Friday around 7am? I will be on my way to work in RWC, near oracle, and would love to have a hard one shoved down my throat until I gag but service that dick until it shoots cream that I swallow. Sound like a good time? Write me back and I will answer in the AM - or send me a location to meet you and I will take care of your stiff dick.

The best thing to do right when you wake up... - w4m - 24 (mountain view)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-06, 9:32PM PST
It's extra early, and I'm extra horny! Looking for someone to hook up with this morning! 40 and over, pic w/ reply!

Early morning suck - m4t- 22 (Vallejo / Benicia)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-07, 2:21AM PST
Lets see i am visiting the bay area looking for a early morning fun. basically I want you to come suck me off and leave no more no less I want to use you and kick you out this is a huge fetish for me please help me I'm 5'9" one sixty five pounds I am straight but I have a weakness for you T girls. I am only visiting this month. Haven’t had me a Cali T-girl yet so prove to me you better then the girls back home.

your pik gets mine no pik no reply

Johny

Morning sex is the best… - m4w
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-07, 7:55AM PST
We are both asleep and we roll towards each other, my mouth is close to your nipple and I wake a bit to kiss it. I am rock hard but love nothing more than just sliding down in that half-awake half-asleep state and slowly start eating every inch of your pussy. You spread your legs to let me in further and you are immediately getting wet. And you are still not quite awake.

We’ll continue this for some time…

I’m an early riser.

I’m so hungry.

I love oral for days and love the feel of your pussy as it quivers around my mouth. I think you might just Squirt, let me make sure you do.

We both have pics and I’m ready, clean, safe, sane and healthy. Let’s share a passionate good morning kiss and more.

41-46

Looking for nice casual sex this early morning - m4w - 25 (san Francisco)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-06, 1:03AM PST

My name is Bee and First here's a little about myself, I am a Southeast Asian male specifically (Thai, Laotian, and Chinese), 5'7" 155lbs. I try to stay healthy by working out every other day at 24hr fitness. I currently work full time working as a consultant on car insurance injuries. I just think a little more education doesn’t hurt any kind of professional. I own my own home here in San Francisco and I enjoy to go out dining, movies, anything fun basically. Well I guess that’s all for now so if your interested please email me back or call me =) four one five three one two three four eight seven is my cell. Bee.

Early morning blow and go or more - m4m - 47 (Brentwood / Oakley)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 8:25PM PST

looking to service younger guys early morning I suck swallow rim get fucked was anything you want my place in Oakley between 3 and 5am.

Can u cum down like now, loose inhibitions and plan for... - mw4w - 30 (SOMA / south beach)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-10, 5:51AM PDT

...the most intense sexual experience 3 people can possibly have. My girlfriend wants to have a ménage but still has some inhibitions. We do like to 'party' and play very erotic porn games to start. We often enhance the experience in stages with rules that make the anticipation and desire more intense then you can imagine. All of us must be totally comfortable with this type of sexual exploration, and style. It's nothing weird like whips or leather or anything like that. In fact you have to like having your body slowly and erotically licked and touched. skin to skin. You have to like having your pussy licked by salivating hungry mouths that want to lick every drop from inside you. You must like the feeling of slow and non-moving bodies become stimulated aroused while watching erotic movies so that you can really feel every part of our bodies come together, engulf each other , and flow together. If this makes you wet please don't hesitate to respond. Like to start a small early morning party.

Horny CITY girl. RU up for a Early Morning deep fucking? - m4w (mission district)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-10, 4:10AM PDT

I'm finding myself very horny this morning. Hoping I might find a woman who is feeling same way this morning. I'm late 40's, tall, hung, good shape, long lasting, hungry for tasty pussy. Please be in San Francisco and horny for a good deep fucking. I can host in the Mission. I don't have to be at work until 10am so, anytime between now and 9am would be great. Please be adventurous, mature, sexy, sensual, and most of all horny. HWP to chubby is good. Please do respond with a pic and let's get to the pleasure.

Comments

Most of the dating posts on Craigslist are fake. Not just fake as in people misrepresenting themselves. Fake as in massive automatically bulk-posted spam for porno sites, dating services, and similar bottom-feeders.

As a rule of thumb, all 3-line or less personal ads on Craigslist are fake. Ads that are "too good to be true" are fake. Ads that ask for a "pic" are fake. Ads from women that are too explicit about sex are fake. (Some of those come from gay guys trolling for straight men.) And that doesn't include the obvious fakes, my favorite being "Location: West of San Francisco".

Craigslist has been trying hard to filter out the spam, but they're losing. See "http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20080523/0327151211.shtml", "Inside Craigslist's Increasingly Complicated Battle Against Spammers" on TechDirt.

Posted by John Nagle on Mar. 20, 2009 @ 11:41 am

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