Handjobs: Are we having them?

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By Juliette Tang

Hand jobs. Are people still giving, getting, or even thinking about them? I'm not talking about a few jerks during foreplay either. I'm asking if anyone out there habitually engages in hot and heavy hand love... and goes all the way. Because it seems, in many peoples' sex lives, that the hand job is to a CD Walkman what the blow job is to an iPod. It was great when you were in junior high, but then something new came around and you sort of forgot about it. I occasionally see used latex gloves discarded on the sidewalk, and we regularly hear about San Francisco law enforcement cracking down on local massage parlors (so obviously someone out there is paying for it) but - like secret societies, group sex, and crack - hand jobs are something you know is out there, though you're hard pressed to know anyone who regularly participates. I awkwardly asked some of my male friends, both straight and gay, "When was the last time you got a hand job?" and then quickly added, "And not from yourself." The most common response was, "And... um, came?"

What once seemed so sexy and thrilling in 9th grade has now, in adulthood, become prosaic. But why? Have we really graduated from the hand job? Is it that because those who can simply jerk themselves off would rather engage in other activities when with a partner? Do hand jobs seem dispassionate and sterile? Or is it simply that, for most, no one else really gives a hand job quite as good as one can give oneself?

Yet, if the hand job is really so like, junior high, why is there a superabundance of hand job porn on the web? A Google search for "how to give a hand job" returns over 275,000 pages on the subject. A few times a year, womens' magazines routinely deal out advice like, "Wrap both hands around the penis and twist them in opposite directions up and down the shaft. It's amazing." There is such a demand for hand jobs, that people are willing to pay a lot of money just to receive them. Check out the happy ending thread on the USA Sex Guide Forum, listing the massage parlors in San Francisco that participate in the five knuckle olympics.

You might disagree, but hand jobs can be just as stimulating as other forms of sexual play and, like tofu, there are so many ways you can spice it up. You can use an elastic vibrating cock ring (slip the vibrating part underneath the testicles to stimulate them while you apply pressure up and down the shaft) and pump away for extra sensation. You can use warming lubricant that increases in temperature when you increase the friction, or special stroke creams that are "designed to take masturbation to a whole new level". A company called Tenga, out of Japan, makes an entire series of masturbation toys designed exclusively for men, toys that are actually engineered with complex nubs, ridges, and valves to simulate the feeling of actual intercourse, which can be exciting to use alone or with a partner. The point is, hand jobs are only boring if you let them be, but with a bit of creativity, they can be a wonderful way to heat things up in the bedroom. Spicing things up with a hand job, now how about that?

If you're interested in reviving the hand job in your own sex life, but don't know where to begin, head to Good Vibrations in Berkeley (2504 San Pablo Ave) tonight, where sex educator Tracy Bartlett will be teaching a class called "Different Strokes", on how to give a "gourmet hand job" from 8 to 10PM.

Giving a gourmet hand job can be a wonderful treat, and there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye. Come learn how to make your guy’s toes curl with an amazing erotic genital massage. Sex educator Tracy Bartlett will explain important anatomy basics, creating a smooth flow from warm-up all the way to the happy ending, using toys, bringing anal and prostate play into the mix, and much more. Please bring a dildo or a cucumber to practice on.

I say that if things like mom jeans, Doc Martins, and scrunchies can come back in style, then the hand job has got to have its grand return as well.

Comments

Dan

Hand jobs are also great after your wife has had a baby, when she just doesn't have the stamina for giving you a blow job. A hand job has great intimacy because you can kiss your lover while they give you one.

Posted by Dan on Jun. 16, 2009 @ 3:15 pm

This article rubbed me the wrong way! What about women? Do we not enjoy a good digit play every now and then? Lame.

Posted by Guest on Jun. 13, 2009 @ 9:08 am

I give my bf handjobs often. Lots of lube - he loves them.

Posted by Rowan Morrison on Jun. 15, 2009 @ 8:47 am

Speaking of not-so-secret societies: SF has had a group masturbation club for men for 26 years - the San Francisco Jacks. Plenty of mutual and group handjobs going on there at the twice-monthly parties. SFJacks is part of a loose international brotherhood of handjob enthusiasts that also includes my group the Philadelphia Jacks and the granddaddy of all JO clubs the New York Jacks. We provide hands-on training to all interested men so come and join us (and come) and lend a hand to your fellow men!

Posted by albo on Jun. 10, 2009 @ 2:27 am

thanks, will try on my boi!

Posted by evan falk on Jun. 14, 2009 @ 10:40 am
Jim

I just got a fantastic hand job by my girlfriend. We were in the shower and instead of rubbing myself off against her beautiful backside, she grabbed me with her hand. I loved it. Variety is the spice of life.

Posted by Jim on Jun. 08, 2009 @ 4:12 pm