alt.sex: Don't be a dick

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Dear Andrea:

I'm not your average 20-something male. I love sex, but not unless its part of a relationship. I guess I think too highly of myself to tag random chicks meaninglessly. I do have a high sex drive and a great deal of experience, but the women I go for are usually highly-educated, professional, librarian types.

From a female's point of view, what is the best way to ask about a girl's libido and kinkiness during the dating process without seeming like a creep or actually trying her out? Remember, I don't date your average slut with a tongue ring and a Playboy Bunny tattooed on her ass, and I'm sick of playing T-ball when I'm a pro.

Love,

Classy Pro

Dear Pro:

From this female's point of view, the best way to avoid coming off like a creep is not to be a creep in the first place, which unfortunately leaves you out. I mean what, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by dividing women into "librarians" and "tongue-ring-wearing sluts"? Moreover, have you ever actually seen a "tongue ring?" In this female's experience, one pierces the tongue with a barbell, not a ring, and some of the finest sluts I know are librarians. I fear that you are not the sophisticate with discriminating taste in women you imagine you're seeing when you gaze (too long, no doubt) in the mirror every morning, but really a sort of combo prig, prat, and snob, and I will be sure to tell my librarian friends not to go out with you.

If you are interested in a particular woman (and have, presumably, already examined both her tongue and her tattoo, if any, to be sure they meet with your approval before you waste your precious time or bodily fluids on someone who turns out to be just another average slut), it is permissible to bring up areas of interest, which can include vaguely sexual events or racy reading material.

The kind of woman you claim to seek, however, will not be impressed by your presenting her with a questionnaire ("How kinky are you?" "Would you rate your libido high, average, or low?") before you're willing to spring for a frappuccino. Neither, come to think of it, is such an approach likely to work on Tongue-Ring (sic) girl. Unless you meet your librarian love through the personals (not a bad idea) or at an S-M club or similar prescreened venue (which can certainly be done), there is no shortcut to intimate knowledge.

However much classier you may be than the average schmo, you're going to have to put up with the inconvenience of actually getting to know someone. Take care to assure her upfront that you are a "pro," have tons of experience, and only date "classy" women. That should take care of some of the screening for you right there. If she looks appalled, scoots her chair back, and leaves without a backward glance, she was probably just some slut anyway.

Love,

Andrea

Got a question? Write to Andrea at andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. See Andrea's other column at carnalnation.com.

 

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