Out of work techies, let's get sexy!

Gosh San Francisco, I know it's tough finding tech jobs these days -- would you be willing to work in the adult film industry?
Photo by J. Kedvessy

The message came into City Editor Steve Jones' voicemail box, but we all figured I should probably follow up on it. Sex conference! Well, kind of. We're looking for webmasters for sex sites! said the excited publicist on the phone. I thought you might be interested in this exciting event! he said (please note; no quote marks. I do not take good notes on publicists' voicemails). Well hell yes publicist, I said. Get it girl. I trusted in this so-called Cybernet Expo – which, incidentally, starts Thurs/8 – to yield visions of nerds chasing tail, gettin' cray-zay, gettin' jobs. You know, happy, hearty pastimes.

Tell me, oh iconoclastic publicist (tech convention publicists rarely contact us for help for promotion, go fig), who can best illustrate this fabulous phenomenon of randy code writers? Well Caitlin, he says, he says to me, let me track you down someone! A colorful interview, publicist friend of mine? Clearly, he says to me. Have you heard, Caitlin, about Saturday night's convention-capping Armory party? My god, I had not! Well there's that, says he the publicist. And you are invited. Well let's get crazy! I thought contentedly, to myself.

Which is how we come to the part where I made the telephonic acquaintance of a one Terry Mundell, business development manager. Of Kink.com! Gotta be an oversexed, whip-cracking dervish of a man, right? How do you usually find webmasters, Mundell – set up a laptop in the dungeon, see who bites?

“We use Craig's List, newspaper listings, referrals, conferences,” sayeth the man, who may or may not have been wondering about why he was talking to me about this. Are your techies... sexy techies? Sorry, sorry -- sex positive techies? “Typically yes. For the people in production,” Bundell allows me. Well yeah, I'd guess that, because porn directors and cameramen tend to like watching sex. But “for web people, we do stuff in Java. We've always just been a dot com, because we're a technology company,” Bundell sums up. 

Not sure how to caption this one from Cybernet Expo 2009 -- hey look like they're having a successful networking event? Fill in blank, shanks. Photo by J.Kedvessy

Wait, so – but things get wacky at Cybernet Expo, riiight? “There may be some models around, but I don't think it will be a sexual atmosphere.” K. But the Armory party! You're having a party at the Armory for the convention! Don't tell me – “I'm organizing the party. Oh yeah, its going to be a fun. Drinks, appetizers, DJs, local area webmasters will be there, representatives from Hustler and Playboy.” 

So here's the thing. Well, two things. First, I am an ignorant sensationalist. Second, Cybernet Expo is a job fair more or less like any other. There will be speed networking events, many seminars for learnin' stuff entitled with things like “Wordpress: Not Just for Blogs” and the (probably?) deceptively titled “Adult Traffic: Where to Get It.”

No, no wait! “Representatives from Hustler and Playboy,” he said; what the hell is that? Money's on a bunch of naked chicks who will do naughty things if you can code the html on their Myspace pages. Oh, and their keynote speaker is the semi-sleazy – I mean facilitator of the sex positivity of 18-year old women -- Steve Lightspeed. Party on, computer guys and gals!


Cybernet Expo

Thurs/8-Sat/10, $149-$199

Golden Gateway Hotel

1500 Van Ness, SF