Bondassage gets at that kink in your back

Yippie ti yi yo, get loose little doggy
Photo courtesy of Bondassage

Headphones pump cool, slow beats into your ears as hands wander over your back's knots. Assured, soothing touch works its way down your spine. A feather tickles your lumbar. Is that a whip running over your ass? Relax, you're in the hands of professionals. “I wanted to make it accessible to quote-unquote newbies,” Jaeleen Bennis says of her S&M-massage hybrid, Bondassage. “It's great for people who are afraid to take that first step of going to see a dominatrix.”

It was a simple equation for Bennis, a certified massage therapist with 20 years of experience and a professional dominatrix with five years under her latex belt, to (spike-heeled) boot. Why not handcuff together the two things that brought her joy? The fruit of her joyful union combines the soothing touch of therapeutic body work with something a little darker. 

Here's a table side view: Bondassage customers are blindfolded, a collar placed on their neck, and cuffs on their wrists and ankles. “You're lightly tied to the table,” Bennis told me over the phone. “There's no crazy positions or anything.” Those headphones block out all noise from the room so what comes next can't be anticipated by happy victims. Hint: prop play may figure even more prominently in Bondassage than realignment of that tricksy vertebrae from last week's soccer game.

The formula appears to have found its audience in health-hungry Bay Area kinksters. “Everything is moving so fast for me!” Bennis told me, happy as hell with the way her passion has taken off. Though the lady herself is based out of Capitola, you have lots of options if you'd like to get caned (therapeutically) up here in the Bay. To date she's trained 14 sex positive body workers in the art of Bondassage, including a phalanx around SF, Oakland, and Berkeley, and one outlier in the sexy slums of Indiana. Bennis and partner Mistress Montaine are taking the act to the road this fall, when they'll be teaching workshops on the form around the country. Get in while the getting's good people, it's not every day that a new form of sensual touch comes around (but if you know of one, give a girl a shout, willya?).


For appointments, contact one of the practicioners listed at


What comes next can't be anticipated by her UNhappy victims, either.
The women that the male “clients” are in relationships with. The women the men of Bondassage leave behind. Doing new things that are sexually charged with a virtual stranger makes a grown man fear exposure. So a massage becomes more than a massage (how clever!), and the man becomes a liar and an addict too.
After all, anal penetration is the last frontier of illicit sex for many straight men.

So when these men, too gutless to take their significant others to task over vanilla sex; to ask, to communicate, no demand, what they truly want and desire... and instead, choose to experiment with someone other than their wife or girlfriend, their lives are changed in a profound way. Most of them decide after one visit that deception is the only way to cope with their freaky or seemingly deviant needs. The massage is the hook, the needed first step to snag a client that will desire ongoing servicing. Repeat business is the capitalist’s key to success, and it’s no different in the sex business. So the husbands convince themselves that the wives could never do such a thing. The wife remains clueless, while the checking account gets drained.

Sound f-ckd up and patriarchal? It is.
Sound like a new idea? It is not.
When men have secret sex with “providers”, it drives an emotional wedge in their love relationship at home. Lies multiply becoming a canyon so deep, the primary relationship will eventually cease to exist on any level: sexual, emotional or spiritual.

The women of Bondassage may pretend that they are altruistic in their intention of pleasuring. They may be convincing that this notion of freedom to explore edgy sensuality is liberating and modern. But with a clientele of 99% curious, straight men, many of whom are in relationships or married, the motive for big money becomes a whole lot more obvious. Really, just who are they all kidding?

As for me? His unsafe sex and recklessness with my body while sexing it up with the women of Bondassage led to the destructive break-up of something pretty damn precious to both of us. A relationship, love and friendship that spanned 4 decades, taken down by a deception that grew to monumental proportions. The vacant look in his eyes after years of lies was, well, sad. His confession was devastating. Ask me how I feel about all this 5 months from now, after my 2nd round of STD tests are finalized.

Posted by his former lover on Aug. 19, 2010 @ 10:31 pm

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