Bulging thighs pump, shiny parts glimmer and sweaty bodies pedal between the loins of the city. Is Bike To Work Day getting you all hot and bothered, too? Steer the excitement of the bike lane straight into the bedroom and take style notes from the ultimate ride professionals: bike messengers.
Not all bike messengers are the same, but one thing remains true for any and all that claim the profession: these people are sex on two wheels. Average bikers are hot, too, but messengers are the porn stars of bike culture. Badass, fast, and cocky seem like fair stereotypes, perfect characteristics for tending to spring urges. Hop on the saddle and get ready to romp and ride with messenger mentality.
Be brave: Biking in San Francisco can be terrifying. Muni tracks, lazy drivers, and mean taxis are real threats, but bike messengers puff up their chests and let adrenaline take the reins. Get adventurous in the sack and shake your fears of the unknown. If you've got a pre-planned route, veer off and take a backroad. Try role playing the part of a sleazy bike mechanic and service your lover's bod. Remember: the customer is always right!
San Francisco Bicycle Messenger Series at www.BerylFine.com
Be assertive: Messengers make decisions on the fly. If you second guess your instincts, you may end up with road rash or an awkward stall in play. Read the signs and listen for your partner's directions.
Be healthy: Biking is real good for the body. All those miles keep your heart in great shape and keep blood flowing to all the right spots. They make drink a lot of beer, but messengers work it all off on their route. Talk about stamina. Get some exercise to make sure your organs are up to speed and can perform at their full potential.
Be hard: That ass! Those thighs! Bike bods rock; their extra-toned areas are prime for spanking, grabbing, cupping, riding, and thrusting. Get your own in gear.
Be eco-sexy: Dependency on fossil fuels isn't hot. Do as the messengers do and pedal instead of drive. Take a romantic ride or race to a secluded spot with your fuck buddy for a naked picnic.
Be dirty: Sweat and grime is a consequence of the job. Don't be afraid to get rough and smelly under the sheets. Who cares. Lick it up.
Be safe: Some messengers probably think they're too cool for helmets, but no penis is too cool for a condom. Unless you really know the road, it's always better to be cautious and avoid running your tires through a muddy pothole or STD.
Be prepared: Messenger bags are big for a reason: you can fit all kinds of fun party favors in there. Booze, toys, lube, Advil, kneepads, clean underwear, and anything you could ever need can fit into one of those back sacks. Stock up your stash at home, in the car, the office, your purse, and wherever else you might want some spontaneous spunk.
Most Commented On
- "Hype" is short for hyperbole, HC. - December 11, 2013
- Hype and hyperbole everywhere - December 11, 2013
- Good point about Levi's shuttles using Muni stops. - December 11, 2013
- Tech companies in SF don't pay taxes? - December 11, 2013
- Phony argument - December 11, 2013
- didn't the SFBg "summit" last summer conclude that SFBG should - December 11, 2013
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- His delivery is horrible, but - December 11, 2013
- Yes, what SF needs is another "summit" - December 11, 2013