SF's sluttiest blogger brings the sexy circus to town

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Forget clowns, acrobats, and bedazzled animals and step right up to a stage full of erotic stimulation, play, and perversion at Fleur De Lis SF’s Very Sexy Circus. The sex-positive blogger is throwing the big-top themed bash as a finale to the year she spent documenting her exploration of sex in this city, with the evening's entertainment made up of the crazy pervs she met along the way. From BDSM eye-candy to bawdy comedy and hands-on educational demos, this show ain't no tight-rope and monkey act. 

When the seventh of August rolled around last month, Fleur De Lis SF, a.k.a. Vanessa, said she was nearly in tears. It was the end of an era, a wild year of kissing (and/or sucking, fucking, teasing, experimenting, spanking, coming) and telling. She tried animal play, cracked the whip, attended super-secret parties, got dirty, played hard and worked hard, all for the sake of the blog... and personal exploration, of course. 

"The blog was a nice excuse to try things, but this year really helped me discover what I like and what I don't," says Vanessa while sipping coffee on a Friday morning. "For example, now I know that I really enjoy group sex and orgies. It takes a particular person to get into it and turns out, I'm one of them." Putting insecurities, inhibitions, and hesitations aside, Vanessa says the year made her a stronger, more confident, sexually satisfied being. Pretty sure sex sabbaticals should be mandatory for everyone. 

circus1

The local sex celebs turned Circus performers 

"I've always been sexual and I've always liked to tell my stories privately," she says, recounting the numerous times her friends would beg for the juicy details over dinner.

Before, spilling these randy tales outside of that trust circle never seemed like a good idea for fear of stigmatization. Even in 2011, most female-identified persons who openly talk about their sexual explorations aren't given high-fives and kudos. Vanessa wants this double standard to change, which is why she started blogging and getting extra honest about her endeavors; initially under the pen name Fleur De Lis, then with her first name. When she happily accepted the title of the Guardian's "Sluttiest Blogger of the Year", her boss found out and fired her. 

"I'm a certified paralegal. I'm an educated woman. I'm not stupid. Yet because I'm a woman, I'm put into that category-- I'm 'that type of girl' who supports 'that kind of lifestyle'," she says with a frustrated sigh, questioning and challenging what those types of labels even mean. "If I was a dude, my boss probably would have thought my blog was great and would have wanted to talk more about it."

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Performer Monika and the "slutty" blogger showing off some lovely assets

She continued to write and eventually landed some legal work with a group of people who are okay with the concept of a personal life. Now she hopes her willingness to being open and honest about kinky-ness will help pave a trail for other women struggling to overcome cultural bias. The best part about being Vanessa again? She can do whatever the hell she wants. 

"My life belongs to me again. Fucking in a fishbowl has been difficult -- everyone knowing everything, but people need to be reminded that sometimes sex isn't personal. Sometimes its a great stress reliever. Or it's just fun to try interesting things. It's my life and I'm free to make these choices."

Vanessa wanted to put on The Sexy Circus to share these valuable life lessons and she really hopes people who may be interested in being more experimental and want to begin exploring their curiosities can view this celebration as a jumping off point. From suspension to burlesque, The Circus will give the audience a big, fat taste of the SF sex community and send everyone home craving more of their favorite flavors. 

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Performer Reid Mihalko needs a good taming

"Hope to see you all under my big top," says Vanessa on the flier for the event, which is also "make-out friendly", meaning while this bundle of performances won't equate to a full-on sex party, the vibe will definitely be flirty. Vanessa is all about encouraging play and where better than the circus. 

 

Under Fleur De Lis SF's Big Top: A Very Sexy Circus

Sat/17, 8 p.m., $20

Center for Sex and Culture

1349 Mission, SF

www.sexandculture.org

 

Comments

I think women's sexual freedom is better presented by someone more educated in this field. I question a paralegal's scope of expertise.
And, reading the blog, it seems this fleur de lys is just spying into other people's bedrooms and out-ing people who attend events that are supposed to be private and safe.

I think exposing other people's sexual exploits does not help elevate or reduce cultural bias ESP when their permission was not given to be blogged about

Posted by brazilgirl on Sep. 16, 2011 @ 12:20 pm

The ability to help facilitate a sexual revolution isn't determined by their day job, it's determined by their voice and actions. Not everyone is able to work in the field that they want to work in, but they still want to be involved in their community and fight for what they believe in. All the expertise she needs is having a sexuality.

The blog clearly uses pseudonyms, and as a paralegal she would have the sense to get permission from the people involved. These stories and interviews reach people who would be too nervous to seek out, experience, or even talk about these things, and possibly encourage them to open up and realize that it's okay to enjoy sex.

Also, blogging about a company as big as Kink.com and any of its associates takes something more than just being a "paparazzi blogger."

Posted by Emmy on Sep. 16, 2011 @ 10:08 pm

Sounds like you've got a personal issue with Vanessa. I guess we should all defer learning about anything until someone with a degree comes along to teach us.

The reason Vanessa's blog was so successful WAS because she was an ordinary woman on a journey. The lessons weren't about playing with rope or being in an orgy...they were about following your own path and not limiting yourself to what others think is proper.

She is not the end all be all of a sexual revolution, but it was empowering to read about someone putting themselves out there. Hopefully some folks will be more willing to follow their passions as a result.

Public events, like those at kink.com, are fair game. I mean people at the parties give permission for themselves to be filmed for god's sake. It's not like she's walking around with a pad and pencil asking people's names for her article. And it's not like she's outing people. What's YOU'RE problem?

Posted by Ja on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 5:28 pm

I question the ability of a paralegal to be the spokesperson for a sexual revolution and, in reading the blog, it seems as if her writings are meant to expose and titillate regardless of the permision of many of the people involved

I'm sure the people who attend these parties have no idea they are being watched and written about, only to make someone else famous

I'm sure SF has more to offer it's citizens than paparazzi bloggers

Posted by brazilgirl on Sep. 16, 2011 @ 12:27 pm

I have been a reoccurring presence in Fleur De Lis' blog and have never felt "outed" or spyed upon.

First, anyone who goes to a party or event at kink.com is completely aware that their every move is being filmed and archived for viewing by members. I can wear a mask, but what is happening is happening live and is recorded. I sign a release to allow this when I go to the Armory. In the same fashion, when Fleur writes, she tells the subject who she is and what she does. Names are changed each time to protect the identity of her subjects. She doesn't take photos (unless given permission), she doesn't write something that isn't true, and for the most part, she is writing about HER experience, all others are just a characters in her story. If/when we no longer want to be a part of her writing, we can just say NO and she will respect our wishes.

In the same manner her interviews are all 100% consensual. I have met many of the people Fleur has interviewed and they all speak very highly of her. Many of them were at her Big Top event this past weekend cheering her on. So I would have to conclude that the subjects of her writing have no problem with what she is doing. From what I can tell, quite the reverse is going on - they support her wholly.

Posted by Sophie on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 12:48 pm

Vanessa is the epitome of integrity. I was in or part of several of her stories and I can tell you that she NEVER wrote about anyone without permission. In fact, I threw two parties that Vanessa covered and she check with me before, during, and after about including them in her blog. I don't know, brazilgirl, where you're getting your information, but I can't imagine anything further from the truth.

Vanessa is a spokesperson for her own experiences and beliefs...not for a revolution. She's educated people and paid respect to the history and foundations of the BDSM community. No one is perfect, of course, but you don't seem to know what you're talking about.

And, by the way, why would being a paralegal preclude you from being a spokesperson? huh?

Ja

Posted by Ja on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 5:20 pm

EVERY WOMAN has a right to discuss sexual freedom!!! Since when can only people educated in certain ways discuss human rights and personal freedoms! Sexuality belongs to every person, and we all have the right to explore and discuss. Besides, Fleur is writing about her personal experiences and interviewing people in the sex-positive community. Also, Fleur always changes all the names of the people in the blog's sexy personal stories -- and in each "real person" interview Fleur asks each person to proof-read and change whatever they want. She's always been very responsive to editing or deleting a section if anyone was at all uncomfortable.

Posted by Monika Thomas on Sep. 16, 2011 @ 10:35 pm

I have been a reoccurring presence in Fleur De Lis' blog and have never felt "outed" or spyed upon.

First, anyone who goes to a party or event at kink.com is completely aware that their every move is being filmed and archived for viewing by members. I can wear a mask, but what is happening is happening live and is recorded. I sign a release to allow this when I go to the Armory. In the same fashion, when Fleur writes, she tells the subject who she is and what she does. Names are changed each time to protect the identity of her subjects. She doesn't take photos (unless given permission), she doesn't write something that isn't true, and for the most part, she is writing about HER experience, all others are just a characters in her story. If/when we no longer want to be a part of her writing, we can just say NO and she will respect our wishes.

In the same manner her interviews are all 100% consensual. I have met many of the people Fleur has interviewed and they all speak very highly of her. Many of them were at her Big Top event this past weekend cheering her on. So I would have to conclude that the subjects of her writing have no problem with what she is doing. From what I can tell, quite the reverse is going on - they support her wholly.

Posted by Sophie on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 12:38 pm

I have been a reoccurring presence in Fleur De Lis' blog and have never felt "outed" or spyed upon.

First, anyone who goes to a party or event at kink.com is completely aware that their every move is being filmed and archived for viewing by members. I can wear a mask, but what is happening is happening live and is recorded. I sign a release to allow this when I go to the Armory. In the same fashion, when Fleur writes, she tells the subject who she is and what she does. Names are changed each time to protect the identity of her subjects. She doesn't take photos (unless given permission), she doesn't write something that isn't true, and for the most part, she is writing about HER experience, all others are just a characters in her story. If/when we no longer want to be a part of her writing, we can just say NO and she will respect our wishes.

In the same manner her interviews are all 100% consensual. I have met many of the people Fleur has interviewed and they all speak very highly of her. Many of them were at her Big Top event this past weekend cheering her on. So I would have to conclude that the subjects of her writing have no problem with what she is doing. From what I can tell, quite the reverse is going on - they support her wholly.

Posted by Sophie on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 12:41 pm

I have been a reoccurring presence in Fleur De Lis' blog and have never felt "outed" or spyed upon.

First, anyone who goes to a party or event at kink.com is completely aware that their every move is being filmed and archived for viewing by members. I can wear a mask, but what is happening is happening live and is recorded. I sign a release to allow this when I go to the Armory. In the same fashion, when Fleur writes, she tells the subject who she is and what she does. Names are changed each time to protect the identity of her subjects. She doesn't take photos (unless given permission), she doesn't write something that isn't true, and for the most part, she is writing about HER experience, all others are just a characters in her story. If/when we no longer want to be a part of her writing, we can just say NO and she will respect our wishes.

In the same manner her interviews are all 100% consensual. I have met many of the people Fleur has interviewed and they all speak very highly of her. Many of them were at her Big Top event this past weekend cheering her on. So I would have to conclude that the subjects of her writing have no problem with what she is doing. From what I can tell, quite the reverse is going on - they support her wholly.

Posted by Sophie on Sep. 19, 2011 @ 12:45 pm

As a curvy mother of 2, I appreciate what Fleur is doing for the role of larger women in the sex community.
I'm used to attending East Bay play parties, and the protocol is that everyone's anonymity is protected and anyone who appears as a voyeur instead of a participant is ousted.
I've just started reading her blog, and maybe I misinterpreted, but it seemed as if she wrote about scenes in which she was watching both 'average' people and professionals
I tried to get a sitter for the event on Saturday so I could meet her in person and understand better.
As a mother who enjoys a good sex life, I have to ride the line between experiencing my sexuality and protecting my kids.
It seems everyone is passionate about this subject and protective of Fleur which is great, but please realize in this conservative world (and in the world my kids go to school in), it's very important to protect each other as well.
Thanks for the clarfication

Posted by Guest on Sep. 20, 2011 @ 7:27 am

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