You've maxed out Grindr, bummer -- hit up a panel discussion Thu/15 to learn your next click.

File them under “things I don't understand, ergo I hate them”: getting stood up and online dating. How backwards, no? Thank god for writer Oscar Raymundo, for in addition to being a gleefully catty bitch on this selfsame website and Internet-everywhere, he is taking part in a panel discussion to demystify online encounters tonight, on Thu/15.

On his blog, Raymundo promises to broach such need-to-know subjects as “Craigslist killers, Facebook stalkers and eHarmony homophobes! How fun.” His fellow panelists will include sexy writer goddess Violet Blue, Nick Abramovic, chief strategy officer (scary!) at OkCupid, and a dating coach. And there will be a pool. You won't want to swim in it, because it's gross out. 

Just like stander-uppers. Gross-out.

“How We Date Now” panel discussion

Thu/15 7 p.m., $5

W Hotel pool terrace

181 Third St., SF

www.visityerbabuena.org

In Their Room Kickstarter campaign

Intimate auteur Travis Mathews has been documenting real boys and their bedrooms for years, and he's hoping to take his act across the pond. You can help support his efforts to bring realness to the land of guy-on-guy by digging deep in front of your computer. No, I'm talking about his new Kickstarter campaign.

Ongoing

Kickstarter: In Their Room 

Penthouse Club SF opening

Because how often does a new strip club open up? Not often enough. Broadway Street plays host to yet another shimmy-shake space starting this week – the new Penthouse Club. Penthouse Pets Jenna Rose and Sabrina Maree are hosting, there will be a performance by Jes, and Michael Ellis' locally-sourced menu will be available for those who are there for more than just the boobs. Fyi, the club is still looking for entertainers, find info on its website about auditions.

Thu/15 7 p.m.-2 a.m., $25

Penthouse Club and Steakhouse

412 Broadway, SF

(415) 391-2800

www.penthousesf.com

Kinky Salon Mardi Gras

Let's put aside the fact that Mardi Gras was last month and just enjoy the fact that finally there is an arena in which it is not only appropriate, but desirable to offer beads in exchange for sexual favors (Bourbon Street = Hellmouth). This month's pansexual play party at Mission Control encourages everyone to don their shiny jester masks and screw to the sounds of burlesque and Dixieland brass band.

Sat/17 10 p.m.-late

Mission Control

www.missioncontrolsf.org

Humpday happy hour

Any reader of this column worth their salt is having safe sex, but Good Vibrations thinks that even you can take it up a notch. Hence the sex toy chain's Humpday happy hours, at which perverted patrons can learn about the extra measures of pleasure available to them, from lubes to customized protection correction. 

Wed/21 6-7 p.m., free

Good Vibrations

2504 San Pablo, Berk.

(510) 841-8987

www.goodvibes.com