› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have a friend who claims to be asexual. Although women (and occasionally men) have expressed romantic interest in him, he never seems to want to pursue a physical relationship — or any kind of intimate relationship at all. He says he's quite happy, but I'm confused. Doesn't everyone have some level of sexual desire? Or is there really an asexual community out there which is happy to be untouched? What do you know about this?

Love,

A OK?

Dear A OK?:

Oh, lots. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

I've written aplenty about testosterone: for instance, the then-new research demonstrating that high testosterone does not make a male a winner as much as winning makes a male's testosterone high; and the current vogue for prescribing T for everything formerly ascribed, with a shrug and a sigh, to "getting older." I've taught a bunch about hormones, describing estrogen — with its touch-and smell-sensitivity enhancing, "receptive" sexuality-producing qualities — as the "fuck me hormone," leavi Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have a bit of a moral dilemma. I am a submissive. Sometimes I correspond with, or even meet up with, people I find on the Internet for no-strings-attached fun. I always feel like I'm in control of my life, even when I'm chained up and blindfolded, and I think that it's a healthy (enough) expression of my sexuality. However, I am also about to start training to be a teacher of kids under age 10.

Obviously, the two parts of my life have no relation to each other. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

This is my third serious boyfriend. I think I'm his second. He's into fairly hard-core masochism. Not like smack-me-around-a-little-Master masochism, which I'd cheerfully go along with, but shit like choking and knives and fire and no safewords. He's also tried to convince me to fuck him without lube or preparation, which doesn't sound like a good idea to me. He says that he's played like this before, but never to the extent that he wants to. I'm wondering how rough can I get without actually hurting him? Read more »

By Andrea Nemerson

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm having the best sex of my life, but when I'm having a good time — which is often — my PC muscles have minds of their own and they get enthusiastic. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

You guessed right — those letters about women who can't have orgasms were both mine. Maybe I was so frustrated that I lied about my age so you wouldn't think they were from the same person. Anyway, I'm in a stupidly worse situation now: I contracted herpes, despite having had sex with only one other human being. My boyfriend engaged in some ill-advised polyamorous experimentation about two years ago: I agreed to it even though I wasn't sure it was a good idea. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

In the process of starting to crawl out of my "I just had two babies! Leave me alone!" cocoon, I've been teaching some new workshops, one on what it's really like to have twins, and one that I'm calling "Is There Sex after Motherhood?" — hoping the idea comes across even though motherhood is, technically, a lifelong venture ending in death, after which, one assumes, not so much sex. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Regarding the recent column on women who can't have orgasms [1/30/08]: I hate to say it, but it looks like you phoned this one in. Where are the partners in the equation? If you were the boyfriend, wouldn't it seem rude for your girlfriend to say, "I'm going to put you on hold while I play with toys to feel better sexually"? I think it would be better for her to say, "We need to talk," then describe what's going on with her sexual responses and feelings. Why shut him out? That doesn't help the relationship. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Recently I shared a hotel room with a buddy on a trip and we masturbated together (for the first time). His cock was bigger than mine, and he had an incredibly big come shot. I am not attracted to men — we are both married — but I was very aroused by seeing this. After the awkward silence, I commented on the volume of his load, which led to a conversation about how he gets no sex and never receives a blow job because his wife is grossed out by come. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I had a beautiful child via donor sperm from a sperm bank. My partner (female) and I are very happy, but recently I have been having sexual fantasies about the donor. I have not told this to my SO (she would not understand, trust me). I feel an almost spiritual bond with this unknown man and am concerned I may be getting a little obsessed. Read more »