Alt.sex.column

Try, try again

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I can't have sex. I tried about four years ago — it wouldn't fit and it was not that big. I've been scared to have a boyfriend since. I'm too embarrassed to go to the doctor and was wondering if you knew what I could do about it at home.
Love,
Failed Once ...
Dear Once:
While the original locus of your problem may have been you-know-where, I fear it has crawled northward over the last few years and is now located squarely in your head. Read more »

Bumpy ride

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I'm a 50-year-old male. I've been married for 23 years and have two grown kids. The problem is my wife. She has never needed or been interested in sex. I have tried everything — books, videos, even suggesting counseling. She says no, there's no problem. Our wedding night was a disaster. Is there any hope for me? What can I do?
Love,
High and Dry
Dear Dry:
File for divorce or pray for a painless, early death. I just don't see another way out for you, sorry.
That was flip and a little cruel, and I do apologize but only sort of. Read more »

Ooga-booga

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I wish I hadn't read your column about cervical penetration. I am thoroughly disgusted, disturbed, even angry. It's been my understanding that body modification is a red flag of imbalance, poor sense of self, and ignorance about anatomy and physiology. Do you think I'm justified in being disturbed that people are going around messing with irreplaceable tissue and getting off on their own pain? Throughout history we have tested our physical limits through sports, battle, fasting, etc. Read more »

You may find yourself ...

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
My boyfriend and I have a great sex life. There's only one problem: he's working a temporary job across the country. While I'm happy for him, the distance has caused a huge strain on our sex life.
On the advice of friends, I bought a vibrator. I've found my orgasms to be quicker and more intense, which is great, but my fear is that I'll desensitize myself. I have very intense, screaming, crying orgasms with him, but I'm scared I may ruin it with the vibrator. Some days I can make myself orgasm three times or more, which seems a bit excessive. Read more »

At your cervix

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
As long as I can remember, I've had a fascination with gyno play and playing doctor. I had never acted upon it until meeting my current boyfriend. We've begun experimenting with speculums, various insertable objects, vibrators, etc. We are always very careful to be sterile and safe.
I've grown more and more interested in the idea of cervical dilation and cervical insertions but have been unable to find any literature on the subject. Apparently, I am the only human alive with such a fascination. Read more »

Still dizzy

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
About what you said about infatuation — isn't it possible to be head over heels in love with someone and also have caring and mutual support? What would preclude it? I am not talking about commitment — there are lots of "committed" couples out there who don't care at all and take each other for granted, as well as couples in the starry-eyed stage (I hope) who care for each other deeply. Read more »

Clean freak

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I'm 40 and experiencing a sexual renaissance. I've turned into a squirter, which I'm coming to terms with. Guys seem to like it: I haven't met one yet who complained about being wet all the way down to his toes.
The problem is that occasionally when I'm really having a good time I also lose a little bit of stool. Sometimes it's just a smearing on the sheets, sometimes it's a little more significant. This happens with regular vaginal intercourse, even without any anal. Read more »

Dizzy spell

Is infatuation really such a bad thing?
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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
You've written occasionally about infatuation, but is it really such a bad thing? I mean, is it meaningless? When it wears off, what happens next?
I know it when I feel it. It has driven even logical, structure-loving me to be romantic and well, loopy. But isn't it based on genuine attraction? Is it something to be wary of?
The object of my desire lives far away, and infrequent visits keep the natural relationship progression at bay. Read more »

Opposites attract, kinda

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I have a very close gay male friend who often behaves like he's interested in me romantically. He has even told me that he gets crushes on girls, that 1 percent of him likes women, and that he's gotten semihard from girls three different times. He often gazes at me while we're talking as if he's thinking of kissing me. Even my friends notice. He also tells me that I brought happiness back to him and that he feels alive when he's with me. We spend every other night together talking and flirting till 5 a.m.
I don't need a boyfriend. Read more »

Be a liver

By Andrea Nemerson
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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
Many years ago, I contracted the Hepatitis C virus (HCV). I had many partners before tests became available. None, to my knowledge, has contracted HCV from sexual contact with me. I know it's possible to pass it through sexual contact but it's very rare. It requires blood to blood contact: someone would need to stick their bloody penis in some equally bloody orifice on my body — not gonna happen! I'm always safe when it comes to anal sex. As for oral, well, that does give the opportunity to examine my partner more closely. Read more »