andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Every year I dread this season, not because I particularly hate the holidays, but because the short, dark days depress me. I talked to a therapist friend and she doesn't think I have SAD, and says lots of people feel a little gloomy when the days get short. I also notice that I have almost no libido this time of year. I'm single and I usually date, but when it gets dark so early, I find that I just can't be bothered. I don't want to meet anyone because I don't feel like having sex or any sort of intimacy, really. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I initially missed the hot-for-friend's-mother definition of MILF, and was introduced to the phrase, sweetly, by a former lover. He wasn't trying to separate the fuckable mothers from the nonfuckable, or fetishizing fecundity. Since we were both middle-aged, he wasn't designating me a MILF based on the understanding of it that you and the writer of "Still Hot" hold ["Milfbone," 11/18/09]. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

We've done "cougars." We've done "MILFs." But surely it's been a while since we did "older women vs. gold-diggers?" We have to give each generation equal opportunity to blame and/or objectify every other generation or we're not doing our jobs.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

I'm a 38-year-old woman. I like older women and I hope to be one someday. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Since you were so good as to weigh in on "cougar" ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08], perhaps you could settle the evident controversy around the correct usage of "MILF?" I think a MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) is the mother of someone in your peer group. If your mom seems as sexual as burnt toast but Jimmy's mom looks surprisingly hot at the ninth grade bake sale, it makes you reevaluate the sexiness of mothers or, generally, adults over 35. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I get irritable with my boyfriend when he doesn't want to have sex. This doesn't happen that often — we've been together less than a year and have sex most times we're together, which is about five days out of seven. But sometimes he's tired or not in the mood. This should be OK, right? If I were the guy and he were the girl, everyone would say "Stop pressuring her!" But I can't help feeling bad. What is wrong with me?

Love,

Moody

Dear Mood:

Indeed, what is wrong with you? Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

I was going to write more this week about body size, body image, and sex, but I'm stupid sick, so here's an older one ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08] about age instead. It's all connected anyway. Don't get the flu.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Fourteen years ago, when I was 26, I met my husband, who was then 58. We've stayed together through thick and thin and we love each other enormously. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have a feeling this is not the best way to get a sympathetic response from you, but it' a real problem for me and I like your advice, so I thought I might as well give it a try. Here goes.

My boyfriend and I have been together eight years. I can't say I'm as cute now as I used to be, but I'm OK. "Brian," on the other hand, has gained weight every year due to a desk job and, I guess, just normal metabolism stuff. By now, he's actually fat. And I just don't feel attracted the way I used to. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I read an article (I think it was in Redbook) that listed six little known erogenous zones or "hot zones." One was big toes, which they said has a direct connection to the genitals. And one was tip of the nose, which they said it is an erotic area because people get stuffy noses sometimes when they have sex. I don't know. Is there really such a thing as an erogenous zone? What would it take for something to be a real erogenous zone? And is it worth learning these to turn my husband on? Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I guess this is pretty common, but it's not something I have any experience with, so please bear with me.

I have a lot of fantasies about being tied up, humiliated, etc. and often think about them while my girlfriend and I are having sex. I'm sure you know where this is going, but I'd really like it if she did the tying up and humiliating — but I have no idea how I would bring it up or how to talk to her about it. It's not like I even know that much about it myself. Read more »

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

It was very interesting to me that you wrote about tickling last week ["Ticklish allsorts," 09/30/09]. I actually had that experience as a kid, being tickled by an uncle (actually he was my father's cousin, but same thing) and not being able to get him to stop. Nobody thought it was a problem except me, so he did it for years, until I was about 10. Nobody should do that to a kid! It made feel helpless because I was helpless. Yuck. Also, nobody else thought it was a big deal so I felt embarrassed for crying about it. Read more »