› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

(Andrea's on vacation! Check out this oldie but goodie, originally published in the Guardian 7/5/06).

Dear Andrea:

My girlfriend is really into BDSM. At first I tried and played a convincing (I think) top/dom, but it just wasn't hot for me, so I looked some stuff up to get inspired. As I was reading/watching, I would really get off on it, but the sex with my girlfriend still wasn't hot. Then I realized that when I was masturbating to all this, I was fantasizing about subbing. Oops. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I don't know if this is really considered a problem or just a modified version of a commitment issue. I recently have become very interested in having a G-spot orgasm. I feel the sensation and know the orgasm is literally and figuratively just outside my reach. I have found the toy that does the job (the Nubby G from Babeland) and I know I am on the verge. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea,

I appreciated your response to Older and Wiser ["Sunrise, Sunset," 9/24/08], the late-20s woman who is planning marriage and kids with her late-50s boyfriend.

Fourteen years ago, when I was 26, I met my husband, who was then 58. We've stayed together through thick and thin, and we love each other enormously. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

A male friend recently told me that he finds it very frustrating when women try to please him in ways other than intercourse. According to him, during hand jobs and blow jobs, men are just thinking, "Get on with it!" He claims to have spoken to lots of other guys about this who agreed with him.

Is this really true? Are there men who feel like this, or is he winding me up? Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I just had a friendly breakup and we still see each other around. Sex with him was so great, I worry that I may never experience such great sex again. But I have a question about something.

There were two instances right before we broke up when we were making love and he put his hand around my neck, in a choking way, and applied pressure. We had been together for more than a year and I didn't feel threatened, so I just pulled his hands off. I always meant to ask him about this, but then we broke up. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

In a recent column, I mock-lamented the lack of a better expression than "tit for tat" to describe the writer's situation and received not one but two gently chiding notes assuring me that there was indeed another phrase commonly used to express the concept of rote reciprocity. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea,

My boyfriend is 30 years older than me. I am in my late 20s and he is in his late 50s. We are very much in love and the sex is pretty good. (We have both had many partners before each other.) I don't have a father complex or anything like that. We both come from standard middle-class families. He has never been married and has no children.

We have been together a while and are thinking about getting married. But I have two concerns. How much longer will he be able to get it up? Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm in my mid-to-late 30s. Most of my life, my sex drive has been pretty low. Fairly quickly (within a year) after beginning a relationship, it tapers off to almost nothing. I believe this significantly negatively affects my LTRs (my last one ended due to not enough sex; we're trying to work on it in my current one).

I suspect this is pretty common (I've heard of "lesbian bed death," and some of my straight friends also admit to having a very low sex drive). Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I suspect there is no solution to this problem, but it cannot hurt to ask. I recently met a wonderful woman and, while we have only been together a few weeks, we can envision being together the rest of our lives. The one fly in the ointment is that she is very tight and I am pretty big, and we have not been able to have sex that is pleasurable to her. We have tried it a couple of times, but it just hurt her — and if that continues to be the case, I don't want to go there again. Read more »

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

What the heck is going on with the Today contraceptive sponge? My wife and I have always used condoms, but when we saw the sponges a few months back, we figured, "Let's try 'em."

Oh ... my ... god. Read more »