SLOW COMPANY
Publishing conglomerate Hachette Filipacchi announced plans to launch a new magazine catering to the information needs of the working poor. The company which publishes the political review George as well as Eating Well magazine cites a National Priorities Project study which reports that 74% of jobs with the most growth pay less than a livable wage, and 46 percent pay less than half a livable wage. Advertisers who have already committed to year-long "buys" include Chevron, Sears, and the Dairy Council.

YOU'VE GOT VOICEMAIL
Message Company, a Los Angeles-based marketing firm, offers a service that will allow consumers to subscribe to audio soap operas broadcast via voicemail. In partnership with Pacific Bell and Bell Atlantic, Message Company is testing its new entertainment product in the New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco media markets. The voicemail soaps feature advertising in the form of product placement and provide listeners with such programming options as "Ralph! You're Never Home;" "Marry Me, Inc.;" and "The Sound of One Hand Typing."

IRAQ POLL
A nationwide telephone poll conducted by the Times Mirror company reveals that 64% of Americans would "call for an end to military strikes against Iraq" if it could be confirmed that the Arab nation is indeed the historical site of the Garden of Eden. The modern nation of Iraq is situated in the region once known as the Fertile Crescent, a Mesopotamian plain located between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. Nine out of ten adults in the U.S. associate themselves with either the Christian or Jewish faiths.

HOMELESS OUT, DOGS IN
San Francisco government officials may regret a recent decision to turn over a downtown plaza near City Hall to the Parks and Recreation Department in an effort to rid the area of its homeless population. Now that the two-square block site is officially designated as a public park, nearby residents who previously did not have access to green space are flocking to it with their pets in tow. Parks and Rec. crews are now billing the City overtime to clean up an "inordinate amount" of dog feces. The National Coalition for the Homeless estimates that nearly 15,000 people live on San Francisco streets.

The South to the Future World Wide Wire Service is a weekly feed of technology and media news commentary and satire published by the San Francisco Bay Guardian. Quotations attributed to public figures who are satirized are often true, but sometimes invented. Some fictional statements may, in fact, be true. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Editorial questions may be sent to John Paczkowski.