San Francisco, Calif. -- Asian Americans are rallying in support of San Francisco State University Prof. Hailin Qu after a State Court fined SFSU $2.75 million in damages in a landmark "reverse discrimination" civil lawsuit. The award, which is the largest ever won in a case against a California public institution, was granted to Howard E. McNier, an SFSU professor who claims that he was denied tenure because of his race. McNier, who is white, successfully convinced jurors that Qu was given the same tenured position at the school's Hospitality Management school because he is Asian. SFSU says it will appeal the verdict, contending that Qu was chosen for tenure because he has a PhD in the field which McNier does not. The controversy may mark a new era in California race-relations as Asian Americans protest in favor of affirmative action.

Berlin, Germany -- An article published in Sunday's Berliner Morgenpost accuses the United States of using the conflict in Kosovo as a ruse to test Russia's military capacity. Citing top-level discussions between U.S. and NATO officials from September of last year, the Morgenpost blasts the current conflict in Kosovo as "a new Cold War," criticizing Western governments for "sabotaging the future of Europe." The article includes an interview with an ex-NATO official who states that although a direct military confrontation between Russia and the West is highly unlikely at this time, the U.S. is certain to base future economic aid packages to Russia on "its threat assessment during the Kosovo campaign." The State Department denies the allegations, insisting that Russia's involvement in the region plays an insignificant role in U.S. policy on Kosovo.

Norfolk, Va.-- A flambouyant hotelier is putting a decommissioned U.S. destroyer to an unexpected peacetime use. The former Navy vessel, rechristened yesterday as the U.S.S. Alexander Hamilton, is being billed by owner Jim Buchanan as the "largest gay cruise ship ever to sail the seven seas." According to the ship's brochure, vacationers sign on for one-week, two-week or month-long "tours of duty" during which they dress in Navy-style uniforms and man various battle stations. The refitted carrier boasts new facilities including expanded fitness centers and a football field-sized casino while retaining traditional Naval institutions like communal showers and bunk bed-style sleeping accommodations. A military spokesperson has stated that the Navy was unaware that Buchanan planned to convert the ship into a gay cruise vessel until after the acquisition was complete.

The South to the Future World Wide Wire Service is a weekly feed of technology and media news commentary and satire published by the San Francisco Bay Guardian. Quotations attributed to public figures who are satirized are often true, but sometimes invented. Some fictional statements may, in fact, be true. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Editorial questions may be sent to John Paczkowski.